21.7.09

The One about the Birth



]mmjmjmf waaaaaa\z:
yay!! That was minibims first blog post. if u understand it, please holla! :-)

I recall with mixed emotions the day I fell into labour.... I just give God all the glory that it has manifested to His glory.

Kai, that day ehn, the hospital knew that somebody called bimbylads had a baby. It all started two days before. My tummy had descended so low, I could harldly walk. People who saw me were swearing that my baby was on the way, but I was soo scared, I secretely wished it would delay as much as possible. As I got home, my tummy started to have what felt like period pains. Chinese eyes, my padi for life was immediately concerned. Is the baby coming? he asked and I shook my head. Not yet o.. this one is false labour.

Fast forward twenty four hours later, and the pain had multiplied by like a million.

I began to walk around my sitting room and practicing my breathing. " breathe. bim.. breathe" chinese eyes would say and I would take a deep breath..and shout "yeeeeeeeeeeeeee" and take another breath..

When it seemed like it wasnt ending, we went to the hospital. Every single change of gear in the car felt like someone was grinding my head with a stone that had been soaked in pepper..
We got to the hospital around 1am. I was put into a nice and cosy room and told to wait. Your baby is not coming yet, said a rather impatient nurse.
So, chinese eyes and I sat down on the bed and began to gist. All of a sudden..... we heard a mighty gwooooooooooaaaaaaaaaa... chai! I thought I was at eleko beach. See water...Hot water. My buriful kaftan was soaked.

My husband ran out of the room shouting,,,, "nurse oo!! nurrrrsiiiiiiiiiiii!" lol.. I was in too much pain to ask him to be posh and ask for a "midwife"

The midwife walked in majestically and calmly. I wanted to shoot her. Only my hands were too heavy. I was in soo much agony. she wiped me clean and said, "bimby, your baby is coming today, get ready".
Yepa! today ke? nooooo... I am not ready for this pickin o. I am still a baby myself jo.

That was when pain upon pain started. kai, I recited all the bible passages I knew. "Fada oooo!... hep meeee" I screamed, forgetting that I was in Lindin, and supposed to be breeish.

They had to silence me with one thing that looked like oxygen mask called gas and air.
"It works well", said a concerned nurse. I chewed the thing so flat you could hear squeaks when I pulled on the air. work well ko, work konga ni. nonsense.

They decided to give me paracetamol and morphine. By then I couldnt even speak. My mouth was hanging open and chinese eyes would pray into the water and drop it inside my mouth. When the morphine kicked in, I was in america and japan at the same time. I was soo high.. lol.. I almost laughed because I was sure everything was floating...But when the contractions start, I would clench my teeth and call Jesus through gritted teeth.

Then after like five hours of agonising pain, somebody came and said, Bimby, you have to push. I then tried to relax. I'd heard that pushing was the easy bit. Please where is the person that said so, so I can e-mail them two slaps. EASY ke? I pussssssssshheeeeeeeeeed and pusssssssshed... the baby no gree come o.

When I got tired and said I was not doing anymore, C.E looked into my eyes and pleaded with me. " Bim, you have to. you have to". ...Have to what? oya you come and lie down now, and let me push a massive hardened football into ur mouth.!

I kuku knew I had no choice, so I gave my self one more chance. I drew all the strength in me and pushed. Out flew this cute little baby with balls of hair and the deepest dimples ever!! awwwwww!! my minibim!! Glory be to God.

So, there it is, my ordeal shared with you all! Thank God for seeing me through.

Meanwhile,. I turned to watch a naija movie, and the background song was something like this:

dont marry him : ( insert a horrific rendition on the piano)


he is a user... a cassanova
money is not everything
oh cassanova why oh why
would you do this to her
you used her for money
you are eeeeeviilll....

WHY do they do this to human beings? Why must the song tell you the story?!!! eesh!

have a nice week y'all... hope I didnt scare any pregger ladies in d house o! e ma worry, the Lord is with You!

P.s: please I need a christian editor that would edit a book I am working on for FREE o!! you will be honorably mentioned when the book is published.. he he.... if interested, please email
bimbyladsblog@yahoo.co.uk any takers?

27 comments:

DiAmOnD hawk said...

wow.... even in labour you're funny. Thank God the miracle of your child... childbirth really is an awesome experience...

Tinu said...

OMG!!!!!!LMAOOOOOOO
that was soooo funnnnyy!im soooo anxious abt thewhole givng birth thing!!!!!!
minibim's translation "I love my mommmie with all my heart"

temmy tayo said...

Bims, you won't kill me. You had a swell time oh. Spent 72 hours in St Mary's, i nearly chewed the doctor that gave me the epidural injection.

But, I thank God. It wasn't easy but the little ones are well worth it.

joicee said...

Really interesting indeed...at least he is here hale and hearty that is all that matters

I thought I was the only one that liked the koko manshun theme song lol

YankeeNaija said...

me, i no know wetin you dey talk about labour pain. me, i had c-section.

went to the doctor's office two days before my son was due and my blood pressure was 170/100. doctor told me I would have had a seizure and probably would've died, along with my son. God is good. He saved me and my son. Long story short: went to hospital at 12:30pm, had my son at 1:41pm. no labour pains, no contractions. was only dialated 2cm. lol.

BiMbyLaDs** said...

@ yankeenaija: thats a real testimony there for you o. Give God the glory :-)!

pink-satin said...

lol
but really was there a sound as the water broke?
lol@ nurrrrsiiiiiiiiiiii!

BiMbyLaDs** said...

@pink satin: yes o.I heard the sound clearly.it was scary.like a sea wave.

Fluffycutething said...

Nurse ooooo Nursiiiii

I cannot stop laughing here oh!!!!

I was quite fortunate oh, my labour wasn't too long though the pain was intense and this is after happily trotting round the hospital for hours gisting and feeling cool...

As Temmytayo has said "the little ones are well worth it"

Nurse oh, nursiiiii LWKMD

Favoured Girl said...

LOL Bimby! Awww, thank God that He brought you through it and you have a healthy bouncing baby! I keep hearing stories of labour and birth and they scare me, but I know that countless women have gone through it and come out alive so I have to!
Send my love to Minibim :)

LOL @ Nuuuursiii!

aloted said...

wow..God be praised..

lol..at your hubby...

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

wow..childbirth no be small thing mehn..I didn't know it was hot water that came out..is it more like warm, or hot as in from the tap?

BiMbyLaDs** said...

@ experiences of an achiever: its warm, but the shock of it on my skin soo suddenly made it feel hot. I was just soo shocked. lol.. especially cos it rushed out!

bumight said...

lmao!
now i remember why i used to stalk ur blog in class every monday!

you have officially put me off childbirth! (not like i was on it before anyways)and ur commenters are not even making it easy at all!

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

ore!! bawo ni!! ma bimnu si mi jo, ive been am bad friend, so wa? CE nko? and minibims? all cool? whats ur number again, e be like say d one wey i get dey do one kain!

THIRTY + said...

Nurse Nursii o, chai you can hide it anymore your husby has added to your razzometer.

God's work is a miracle, awamaridi!

uche said...

i so love this blog. This pikin thing is scarrrrinng me oh! The God that did it for bimbylad, would do it for me. This post is really funny. I can iamgine

Shubby Doo said...

lol...labour pains dey scare me o!

LondonBuki said...

You're still sooooo hilarious :-)

Kisses to your baby.

Beyond said...

i have watched too much baby stories n birthday on TLC & heard enuf stories about child birth n labor pains that am so terrified of the whole thing.

am so much of a chicken n have a very low threshold for pain of any sort......but i guess when the time comes, God will take control.

BTW, minibim said...."my mum is the best"

LG said...

lollllllllll@lindin n breeish
kai! LWBM

doll said...

wow..all these stories bout labor scares the living crap out of me.

LMAO@ the naija home video...na so once you hear the soundtrack you know the story..

N.I.M.M.O said...

Congrats BimbyLads!

I have been away from here for too long that I am just knowing about your baby.

Believe the whole family is doing well.

But you strong o! To be able to describe everything like this. I thought they said that the pain will almost drive somebody to distraction; that you won't even remember your name again.

Congrats again.

Anonymous said...

Bimbi, because of you I am thinking of making my way back.

Ide.

Anonymous said...

u rock girl! i love the way you write. this is my first hit on your site and i am here to stay.

yhurmie said...

nurse oo, nursiiii...classic!

Congratulations bimby, even if belated. God bless and keep ur lil one.

Anyaposh said...

hahaha... nursiii! the breeish don't have anything to worry about; I betcha tons of nigerians have babies & the true naija accent comes out in times of distress!

that gwooooaaaaa like eleko beach cracked me up! ROFL...woman! lord help us, me sef i don begin fear all this labour talk sha, i never even carry belle sef!