Dear Hollyhills or Beverlyhood smile,
I don’t even know where to begin my complaint from. In fact, I would have called your office, but I noticed that you were in America, and right now, I only use Global tel phone card, which by the way is £5, and not £2.50 like naija tel, and of course is the best for calling Nigeria and not America.
Not to seem like I am not angry, I will not digress. You will find attached to this letter two pictures of my teeth, one 7 days before I started using your product, and one 14 days after.. Yes., I know you asked us to check in 7 days for visible difference.. Visible difference ko, Clarins ni.. As you can see, the pictures are EXACTLY the same..
I am very disappointed/.// My mummy called me yesterday and asked me how my wedding plans were going, and I was excited to tell her that I had planned one thing.. ( out of the 30 she had written in a list since October) and that one this was my teeth whitening.. but ALAS.. please, Mr Holly hills, or Beverlyhood, as I am saying the ALAS, my mouth is wide open and my hands are in the air.. ALAS… ALAS... my teeth are not white.. if anything they are darker..
This morning was the last straw… I was brushing my teeth.. and guess what!? Oh! Okay, you are not into guessing games? Ejo e ko.. na me wey dey follow you joke.. guess what ?? u better guess before I waka to american embassy and collect visa and book bmi baby and come there..
Yes, you guessed almost right.. my teeth were BLEEDING… after 14 days of using your product religiously, morning afternoon night.. What happens? u draw my blood.. may thunda faya una yansh.. and yes… may thunda faya that fake white teeth u put on ur toothpaste…
Please I am very upset as I speak, but I am on my way to church, so I will pray to forgive u.. but as u cannot guarantee how I will feel, I can confirm that I accept compensation.. Yes.. in POUNDS.. the frigging dollar to pound rate is crap..SO,.. please pay the sum of £500 into my akkant by Friday latest ortherwise, I will write to Sun newspapaer, Ovation- u don’t know Ovation??? e ma worry too much.. when my letter appears, u will know.. I will write to Financial times.. I will even report u to Londonbuki, Diamondhawk, T minx, bella naija.. to mention a few of my newspeople bloggers.. whom will ensure that ur product is henceforth disqualified..
My akkant details are as follows:
Ms B Lads
Oh, £500 pounds is too much? U don craze patapata.. let me break it down for u…
1)£20 for the toothpaste. Yes I bought 4 in excitement and total trust in ur product
2) £50 pounds for the trouble it caused me to walk home from Tesco that day
3) £100 for using my hands to blog about the progess of ur product
4) £200 for the distress u caused others each time I smiled, thinking my teeth where indeed getting whiter.. ashe, it was all in the mind..
5)£200 for the distress u caused me each time I think of your product
Infact I’m thinking of your product now, and I have increased it to £700 ..!
I all forms of payment.. cheque, postal order, American express, Western union, Chequepoint money transfer.. or even pay pal sef.. OK, u can’t do that??… OK,..Mama Sura is coming to London next week, u can send it through her.. pls don’t show her what is inside the envelop o,. I no wan tori.!!. Mama Sura dey obtain person no be small.
To be on the safe side , Kindly do pls allocate Mama Sura her own funds for the journey..
Do not, I repeat vehemently, DO NOT hesitate to contact me.. and you are FOREWARNED.. do not write me a generic ‘ thank you for writing to hollyhills smile.. your letter is being dealt with and will be answered as soon as possible’.. u better not! If u do.. I will carry that letter and come to America.. shio.. hiss… na u know.. I will get VISA this time around..
Yours Sincerely.. ( pls.. take another ,look at my ‘after’ picture I sent you.. and imagine me smiling severely,
Bimbylads, BAB, MSC, AQT, YYY, London and America trained,
Representative OF LONDON BLOGGERS ASSOCIATION OF TEETH WHITNENING SURVIVOURS (please donate to my association too, I just formed it and I have only one member.. we are indeed growing in vast numbers…)P.s: whatever u say or do.. Chineze eyes thinks my smile is whiter than the one on ur toothpaste!! And for that, I’m sticking out my tongue…
Ok,blogarians,.. i am about to post this letter.. any comments..?