25.3.10

BimbyLads Vs Fashion? No Way


I dont do fashion anymore. I have never been one to wear the latest clothes or do the latest hair. As long as I look good, and my hubby likes the way I look.... wetin consign me?
Infact I remember when I was single, my friends would often be the ones to pick my colours for me.. ( did I also mention that I match colours like someone who might have been colour blind in a previous life?)

Like, really what's wrong with shocking red on green? shioo.. na u know! Miss Fashionista.

But, like all other women out there, I tend to sometimes bow to the pressures to be
" fashionable".

One of such times was when I decided to fix my nails for my upcoming graduation ceremony. Before then I had been eyeing people with acrylic nails and wondering how I would look with such boootiful nails.

And with a grad ceremony, What better time than to have long, colourful nails to use to hold your degree scroll as you pose for pictures??

So, thats how they fixed nails for Bimbylads o.

See me, I was feeling soo chic... I fluttered my nails at every passing person.
In the middle of a meeting at work, I will suddenly lift my hand, and begin to scratch my eye with my nails until someone will be forced to comment.

I had never felt so wonderfully feminine.
But, I noticed that I could not wash ordinary pant.
To wash plates, I will have to use my knuckles as if I am grinding pepper on the floor.
To type at work nko? Na to use elbow o. But I could not complain o.

Complain ke?? My £30 pound- chinesefixed- imported from abroad-acrylic-nails? Lai Lai!!!

And I continued like that, until one day, at work, my oga gave me some docs to type. He also gave me a time limit: One hour.

I knew that elbow typing would not help me here, so I decided to use my "precious" nails to type. And type I did.
Jam, Jam, Jam, my nails would hit the keyboard, and I could almost hear the keyboard cursing me for stabbing at it like that.

After like five minutes of typing, I was getting used to the flow, when all of a sudden, I heard a scrunch sound, like the sound of plastic snapping.

I looked at my keyboard, and lo and behold, My precious nail had broken into two equal bits. There was an angry red line across the front of my index finger.
The pain was............unbelievable.

I shouted : "YEEEEEEEE!!" internally, as the pain exploded behind my skull and travelled all over my body. And you know say, Oyinbo will just call 911 if I misbehave in front of them, so the YEEE was internal, but I managed to mutter,"Owww...nail hurtss", when my colleagues stared at me with concern.

For the rest of the day, I used one finger to type. Of course, the document did not meet the target.

When I got home that night, the pain had multiplied by a million.

Mama Bimby was around from Nigeria. She had warned me not fix my nails for the graduation, but I had been adamant,saying that everyone was doing it.
So when she asked me why I was squeezing my face in pain, I dared not say why.

To make it worse, that night, Mamabimby slept next to me.

I was writhing in pain (again, internally), unable to sleep.
Mamabimby would eye me and ask: 'Why are u looking like you are crying inside? sleep now?'
And I would grunt in response.

Eventually, unable to take the excruciating pain ( It was a dull, thundering ache on my index finger that hurt like a bad toothache), I lifted my index finger up in the sky, as if I had been dancing yahoozee and someone pressed pause, and slept like that. It was the only position that offered me comfort.

Needless to say, Mama Bimby laughed her head off, when she woke up at night to piss, and saw her wonderful daughter sleeping with one hand pointed to the sky.

The doctor said I damaged a nerve.
And so, I say again. I don't do fashion.
Who ever wants to bite me... better start sharpening your teeth.

What's your fake nail story?

xxx
see u next week for Adunni/ Babatunde story!

Bimbylads

27 comments:

Miss Natural said...

lmaooo this is hilarious! you never disappoint! lol...eya but didnt your hand fall as u were sleeping lol? yeah im like that too, fashion is not something I understand too well.

BiMbyLaDs** said...

Miss Natural, abi o. see ur name sef.. Natural!! lol, thats the way to go.

I rested my hand on the bed rest for a while, and I truly hardly slept.

Femme Lounge said...

lol! the price we pay for fashion! women dey try sha o!

inspector gadget said...

yup that happened to me too! it was actually two nails. I had tripped on the stairs and used my hands to try to steady myself :(

Jaycee said...

LOLLLLLLL...

My nail stry: I rarely do my nails. The last time I did I annoyed the Asian lady doing it. I kept saying, "go lower, go lower"...until she told me, "that's too low for fake nails."

I can't stand not being able to wash the dishes. Geez!

YankeeNaija said...

LMAO: bootiful. priceless.

Tinu said...

LMAAAAAOOO sorry o cheeei Lmaoo at sleeping with one hand in the air, i did acrylic nails die when it was time to take them off, i wept! and never did them again!
cnt wait for next week!

BiMbyLaDs** said...

loll @ all ur stories. Ouch@ inspector gadjet. I can so feel u. It was so painful, I sometimes still feel the pain, ( 4yrs after!!)

BiMbyLaDs** said...

@femmelounge: what an awesome website u have!!

DarLyn said...

BimbyLads, you wont kill me with laughter. I could not stop laughing almost spoilt my sane quiet girl rep in the office. But believe me you have lifted my mood. Now I'm back in the Friday mood :)
I have never been able to understand fashion and us ladies, we do the most uncomfortable things in the name of fashion. I have not experimented with the nails but with your story I most definitely will not try.
I have a hard time enough with high-heeled shoes, which I am promising to give up today!

DarLyn said...

BimbyLads, you wont kill me with laughter. I could not stop laughing almost spoilt my sane quiet girl rep in the office. But believe me you have lifted my mood. Now I'm back in the Friday mood :)
I have never been able to understand fashion and us ladies, we do the most uncomfortable things in the name of fashion. I have not experimented with the nails but with your story I most definitely will not try.
I have a hard time enough with high-heeled shoes, which I am promising to give up today!

Omotee! said...

LDKMD!
tres funny, guess the pain pass "OUCH" u just went the traditional "YEEEEE"!

first time here, definitely coming back

Myne Whitman said...

That was such a funny story, I laughed out loud at the end. I would have said pele but it was in the past so allow me, LOL...

I'm not much of a fashionista too. The worst that happens is that I bow to pressure and then I hate myself and have to undo whatever.

Have a good weekend.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God bimbylads! i was breastfeeding and reading ur blog and i almost dropped my 1month old baby in the process of laughing so hard. Thank you so much for this, it really made my day after all the stress of not sleeping too well. The price of fashion! i use to fix my nails a lot until all the nails changed clor and became week so now ive stopped. althou then even when i hit a nail on something and it hurts i still go back and refix it now that i think of it i cant believe i went thru all that to look booooootiful...lol

T. Anne said...

Funny! I never get my nails done (rarely) I think it's a painful experience!

Anonymous said...

I am laughing so hard, even with bad cough!!! You even tried with the pain of doing acrylic nails. I am sure you must have used your £30.00 worth before you took it off, I did acrylic nails for the first time and it looked beautiful (spent 5 minutes wearing bracelet, and my dad was laughing his head off, awon omoge elekan)could not do much typing washing etc. took it off after 2 weeks and my nails were very soft and very weak, Bimbs, that was the last time i tried those acrylic nails. If i had my way i will sue salon for false advertisement. lol

Have a blessed week and lots of love to the family.

daylight said...

You write nicely. The story was funny as well. It was a welcome change after hours of reading all sorts on the www.

Anonymous said...

Funny Story. i got fake nails for a friends wedding. i was a bridesmaid and the wedding was in naija. tried cooking and it caught on fire, all i can say is i will never ever try that crap again. I was walking around with charred fake nails cos it hurt too much to cut off or take off. horrible experience.

sexyChef said...

lmao, nice one... gosh ur damn right you were never a "fashionista"

you were the brunt of many of our jokes my dear... but u never yielded oh!
love u babes;)

dScR?Be said...

HA! Na una dey try o! I've NEVER fissed my nails.. it looks painful... i have nachora frensh tips! :D

Bless Bimbz!

Suru said...

This is the funniest thing I've read in a while. I did my nails once for my friends birthday party and never again. All my nails were damaged for a whole year because I removed them wrongly. never again am I doing acrylic.

Ayo said...

@Bims, pele o. Av Neva fixed ma nails before so I can only try to imagine ur pain then. Ordinary keeping ma nails very short, i know how it is not to talk of a nail breaking.
It once happened to a friend of mine, she actually kept her nails very very long until veins grew in them, the day one broke, she went thru he'll.
Very funny tho, LOL

EZRA said...

my bimbylad....forever funny

EZRA said...

my Bimbylad....forever funny

mizchif said...

You still crack me up eh Bimby!
I laughed at you very well just now.

I have only ever fixed my nails one time in this life, but i can change my nail polish every week, i just don't like the crippling that comes with false nails, plus the fact that they can cause real harm

Pele. Shey next time you will listen to mama Bimby.

latifat said...

la_teefat ---> i broke all four finger nails 2da bone once...all bcuz i was tryna hug this idiot oh!smh! i banged my hand on da wall behind him. i tink i bled 4 lyk 2hrz straight! n this was a few day after my grad, i did the nails so i can do shakara @my graduation too. my whole hand was throbbing for lyk a week :( ...shm...neva again!

dScR?Be said...

Iyawo Chinese eyes! One week has palssed o!