25.2.08

Essh

Update: my other blog has been updated: CLICK
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Man, its been while since I proper blogged. There were days I would want to run and blog, and there were days I’d just think, nah… I’d write BBs instead. Now that BBs is over, my fingers are itching to do something else…and what it is, I don’t know.

Today, I have nothing to talk about. It has been this way since I started BBs. I think I may have lost my ‘old style of writing’. So, I am going to close my eyes and think about what to write. (Eyes closed for 10 seconds).

Nah! Didn’t work. I still can’t think of anything tangible. I am so dry it is unbelievable, so ill ramble… or ill tell u two things about me, simply because I want to, and because its my blog. He he

1) I talk in my sleep, infact, it is soo bad that my husband has resolved to recording my conversations, in hope that maybe I will reveal the winning lottery numbers or better still, if I am up to some mischief. I remember in my secondary school days, I had an exam in French and I had revised French the whole day. At night o, my mumsy was next to me, I think the woman was praying or something, and I was sleeping soundly next to her. Next thing, the thin just grab me.. I just flew up, widened my red eyes shouted ‘qui, non, je suis, non’… omo.. mumsy just reverse her prayer point and began to deliver me.. ko funny o.. the other day nko, my hubby was playing his PS3 happily in the living room and I was in the bedroom, of course, snoring away, that’s how, I just jumped up and shouted ‘ SADEEEEEEEEEEE OOO’ lol… my hubby flung the game and ran into the room… he shook me awake and was like.. Why are u calling Sade? Me, feeling highly embarrassed, shook his hand off and hissed. ‘Who was calling Sade? U must be hearing double..Abeg allow me jo’ before snuggling back under the duvet.. promising myself not to do that again… highly embarrassing…. Someone who has a cure, tell me pls!

2) After almost 10 years of residing abroad,…and working with oyinbo people, my sisters and brothers, bimbylads can still not speak fune!! It is a cause for concern. I have tried and tried and tried,, the fune no gree come,. Meanwhile, If I go to Lagos, and I speak with some people who have not passed Ghana, you will think they don’t mess. A while back, I was conversing with one of my team members, and I mentally told myself that, by fire by force, this FUNE must produce. So I twisted my tongue, carried my nose to the right and left and spoke in Queens English. Lol.. after chatting for like 15 minutes, the guy looks at me bizarrely and asks : ‘ where are u from?’ OPE O!!! the fune worked.. I must sound very toosh.. that’s how I cleared my throat and assumed my fune again. After almost having a heart attack because I was trying to sound ‘posh’… I concluded my conversation and stared at him expectantly. ‘By the way, why do u ask where I am from?’ I asked, elated because I knew I had spoken correct.. na so the man just look me again and smiled. ‘Nothing really, its funny cos you sound sooo south africanish, Gambian, u know, Ghanaian, Kenya...... kind of thing..’.
Ewoo.. Thunder faya u and all those African country u just mentioned!! So I don’t sound like oyinbo people? Na una sabi. I am sure from my writing, you can tell that
I gbadun my naija accent die, its just that sometimes, I like to funelize it for work peeps.. e no suppose hard now?! Any suggestions? And if u abuse me ehn, I will slap your mouth. I am 100% sure that I am not the only one that tries to funelize my English.
Especially peeps that live away from Naija.
Even peeps that live in Naija.
I haven’t been to Lagos in a while, but I hear say if u mistakenly pass Victoria Island , that mall.. Palms? And you see one chic that grew up in the razzest of places, when the babe begins to speak ehn, you will have to pinch yourself say you still dey Lagos. The babe fit say stuff like…
Ooo is that Bimbylads?! Oh my giiidness- you look soo soo noice! I foth you were in Lindin…’

See her mouth like Lindin. I cant stand stuff like that jare. That is not my own kind of fune o. my own is justified. Your own nko? Lol. Oya confess. You know yasef.
That said, people have wondered why I stopped being ‘personal’ on my blog. I have missed blogging the way I used to, but it’s hard to really be yourself any longer. The whole blogging thing wears you down, and besides I just don’t feel it jare. I don exhaust all my gist. Also, I think since I discovered that I can write stories, I have been spending a lot of time doing just that-penning away at any given opportunity.
But I dey. I am fine.
I have put on weight. It’s annoying me. I joined my office gym, but I can’t bring myself to go. Somebody pray for me o, because I am short.
Short and fat don’t work well.
Anyhoo, how are you?

50 comments:

Uzo said...

Talking in your sleep? What do you say? That is hilarious...

I remember in boarding school, there was this girl that talked in her sleep. Looking back thats all it was i think. But back then we all branded her a witch / ogbanje telling everyone who cared to listen that she used to talk to her 'friends' at their meetings and we all left the room for her...

Anonymous said...

if you say you short i go slap you o. Wetin you go call 4 feet 11 inches. abi you wan be 6 feet and palm tree. as for speaking in fune, e bi like say that thing e get as e be, when you are with friends it flows freely but when you are in the office e disappear, no be only you I call it Foreign English Freeze, It happens to me all the time, and you know what I would not allow it to bother me, if japanese no fit speak english, why i dey sweat.

JF said...

Honestly, you are a trip!!! Kai..I mean talk about Laugh Out Loud Funny. You go Bimby. We love u jare.

Unbiased said...

So glad to have you back. I missed you so.....
Your stories are really very good and we dont mind but just once in a while (blue moon, red star, yellow ocean) take the time out to express Bimbylads our naija speaking blogger!!!

Jaycee said...

#5...oooh yeahhh baby!!!!

Now I shall obediently go to my Research class and come back again and comment...

God bless ya!

30+ said...

Go Shawty it is Bloggy you gonna blog like it's your blog. Tell me about it I am fighting the Fat even as we speak.

Start drinking tea it will put the FUN in your FUNE, shikena.

Miss Kiki said...

Awww Bimbylads, love your blog mehn, i'm adding u asap. I talk in my sleep too, my sister always complains when we share a bed or room, it's embarrasing but I just laugh it off..(sometimes).
Oh, and the 'fune' thing, don't mind them jare, when I call my friends in Nig, they complain that I haven't changed my accent yet after 5years. God knows I've tried, ko kan easy ni.

JJ said...

LMAO!!! Mehn you are too funny. Missed your funny writings!

Jaycee said...

LOLLLLL @ ur statement, short and fat don't work well.

Bimbylads, pls can u resume ur funny blogging? As in something like this piece now...I'm in LURVEEE with ur funny writings.

Ok, as for u talking in ur sleep...LOLLLLLL. (Speaking FRENCH, ha ha ha...weirdo). Up to the extent that it affected ur hubby's game!!!

No comment abt speaking "fone." I've tried too, but it's not happening for me. And I don't understand how naija people do it when they don't even live abroad...awon all these pretenders...lolllll!!!!

Idemili said...

Hahahaha! Girl I am a bad person. I did not even have the time to update my blog or read others but I am now on leave (starting today) and BB has finished. Do you think I could get your BBs to read? Please? I promise to try and give you tips and shit (as if I sabi sef) like you asked.

Idemili said...

Hahahaha! Girl I am a bad person. I did not even have the time to update my blog or read others but I am now on leave (starting today) and BB has finished. Do you think I could get your BBs to read? Please? I promise to try and give you tips and shit (as if I sabi sef) like you asked.

Apparently I too sound Kenyan. E go better...

HotBabesOn'A'Mission said...

Does your husband snore? If he does its ok to pay him back by talking in your sleep.
Your sense of humour is brilliant been a fan since day 1. keeping us here at 'Hotbabes' in stitches. Keep it up...

The Life of a Stranger called me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Omo, my own is worse. My friends baby brother and I was lying in the same room, thats hows I stood like I was having some kind of seizues, the boy just dey fear..lol.. till today he refuses to share the same room with me. Talk less of my snoring..lol..It takes a strng man to accept all these, cause it can serious cause them to have insomnia.. thank God for understanding husbands.

@uzo comment........lololol... on the poor girl. thank God I didnt go boarding lol...

And its so true, about the weight thing. You put on the same weight as a taller person, they carry it out, meanwhile one looks like a sumo wrestle. God help us with this weight thingy..

thoroughly enjoyed this post/. realing in laughter.

Zena said...

I thought u said u had nothing to talk about?

Lorsd, you made me laff and I haven't laughed like that in awhile,

so ur dreaming about sade ehn? ur taking ur stories a bit too seriously lol


my sister please, no be only u, I've ben in this nasty place for almost 10yrs and I don't have an accent, when I come go Naija na so my H.S friends get deep britico accent, dat thing annoyed the shit outta me, like really? are u serious?

the thing gave me some kind complex ooh! I'm happy I'm not the only one.

about that short and fat thing...*sigh* It's a shame cos I'm that example..

Mrs Somebody said...

Thank God you screamed SADEEEEEE-O!!! What if you screamed BAYOOOOOOOO-OOOO!!! Ah! The story would have been different-o!!Lol.
How have you been? I missed ur fun posts.

Lighty said...

bimby is back??? incredible. lol! na wa ohh u tey small sha. oh my giidness, u too funny, lol!
so tell me, having spent all this time in lindin, and shifting ur nose left and right u still cannot say noice????
lol.
i miss u chic, and to answer ur question am fine.
about ur not speaking fone, nothing do u jo, forget fone.

Red Puree said...

Bimby, am sure you sef dey laff at all these comments...hehehehe!


"Oh my giiidness- you look soo soo noice! I foth you were in Lindin" -

I am reading this out loud and laughing to myself....hehehehe!Like i say.... most of us still have the raw naija bit in us.. no matter how toosh or posh we look or sound..lol! - u just have to get to know ppl better to see the real person in them..hehehehe.

e.g If you dont know me very well u fit think say i no dey shit lol! but i enjoy been razzzzz though.. Can be fun laughing at myself sometimes.

Ms. Catwalq said...

omo u r a character...u and I must get together one day over suya and cold La casera

darkelcee said...

no 20? not good for my health.

Talking in your sleep ke? abeg no sleep outside your house cos you fit land for MFM for total deliverance! lol

@life of a stranger calls me : instead of you t tell bimby that she will only look padded, fleshy( or any other adjective) you say my sister go resemble sumo wrestler? lawllllll.

Fone? na naija people fit speak plenty fone o. you will think they lived all their days in lindin only for u to prod and discover that dem never go ghana.

Bimby with Gambia accent! LMAO....too funny gurl.

darkelcee said...

no 20? not good for my health.

Talking in your sleep ke? abeg no sleep outside your house cos you fit land for MFM for total deliverance! lol

@life of a stranger calls me : instead of you t tell bimby that she will only look padded, fleshy( or any other adjective) you say my sister go resemble sumo wrestler? lawllllll.

Fone? na naija people fit speak plenty fone o. you will think they lived all their days in lindin only for u to prod and discover that dem never go ghana.

Bimby with Gambia accent! LMAO....too funny gurl.

Shubby Doo said...

your fune resemble gambian one!LOL...this woman you are just too funny!

Not sure I can recommend anything for sleep talking my dear

About being short and fat...I really doubt that you are.

4 anyone wanting to shed weight then try ‘Food Doctor Diet’ by Ian Marber.

Shubby doo loves her food so I’m naturally a fan bcos u get to eat like 5 times a day. I also like it because you get to break the rules up to 20% of the time and still loose weight (so I get to eat my puff puff, pralines and cream haagen dazs, cakes etc...)

Warning...B4 subsequent people attack me 4 forcing bimbylads on a diet, it is not a diet book like atkins etc...!!! it really teaches you how to eat properly. It doesn’t matter if you’re diet is based on Chinese, Indian, Mexican, Greek, Nigerian foods etc…follow the basic guides…it works.

Alternatively get a really good juicer…I’ve got a Jack La Lanne juicer. The thing flushes out my insides every time and gets rid of that bloated feeling. It’s good for your skin plus I haven’t had a cold or been really poorly in years despite the fact that I hate taking pills for my health or as medication. Just give your hubby advance warning sha that the bathroom will be out of order 4 most of the time o!

Shubby Doo said...

As life a stranger called me said...thank god for understanding husbands o! he actually threw down his play station when you were shouting sadeeeeeeeeeee!…na love b dat!

@ hotbabes on a mission...what if chinese eyes doesn't snore!

Bold and Beautiful said...

...now i wasnt to get married.
My dear i snore i think it justed started recently and its becoming rather embarassing.

I missed the bloggging u ,btw it and the series i wonder which is better.

Naija Chickito said...

Darlyn, short and fat don't go well. rotflmao!!!You crack me up. Anyway, you are in ma prayaz (you said we should pray 4 you).

As for the accent thingy, I think you should just be yourself, no need to 'fune' abeg. What for? If you pronounce your words properly without any yoruba intonation,lol, then you are good to go.

@talking in your sleep, na dat one funny pass. Lmao. Be careful o, no go talk the one you no go fit explain if you wake. A word is enof for the wise.

YankeeNaija said...

You are a fool. You are a straight up fool. I have been laughing my butt off. Jeez. You are nuts. Even when you don't have anything to talk about, you still have something to talk about. Oh and cute picture on facebook. take am easy.

ababoypart2 said...

lol, talking in your sleep. I dig your husbands idea...

Bhookey said...

bimbys u still got it mayne, see me laughin like a warey, dont worry im with u on the fune, 10 yrs nothing to show for it o , some of us just cant have it lol.....as per sleep talking, lmaooo dats so funny lol but as per cure erm i dont know

Naija chic said...

Oh BB, I am reeling wt laughter, since u started the BB series, I av switched reading ur blog as I couldn't keep pace (even though you inspired me to start blogging).

I saw ur wedding pics and wondered is this pretty chic that writes all these crazy stuffs? Am still hoping to blog about my fart the way u did urs...

so u talk in ur sleep, me i snore like there's a DLR underneath my flat!

Abeg start running and dieting fast, short and fat def do not go together..

Bella Naija said...

Mrs Bimby,
First up, i will like to thank you for gracing my blog with your story! God Bless.

Also, you are toooo funny as per the fone thing!
Whenever I'm in Lagos, I just get weak. Its too much.

There is this particular lagos dude, he grew up in lagos, spent 5 years in jand (a levels and degree) and has been back to lagos full time since 2001 but mennnnnnnn if you hear him talk, u will be confused...as per u will think he grew up in buckingham palace.....
Then there are the ones that went to school in yanks yet they have the lagos british accent!
Finally, the ones who have not even given them togo yet insist on killin us with the accent.....i have no words
Nigeria ooo Nigeria

teecity said...

lmao,u dis bimby u r tew funny.me i dont talk in my sleep oh but instaed i grind my teeth,talk about embarrasin? it got so bad dat thru out my uni days i never slept in someelses house,instead i do pro bono nite watch....even till now its kinda difficult but wat can i do?i no fit dey stay up all nite n go to wrk in d morning now.

as for the fune,as i neva travel go obodoyibo i no know but u correct wwen u say pple wey dey go Palms dey automatically speak wit fune

thank God u r back.even wen u ve norrin to say u still make us laugh.lol

Damola said...

mehn bimby lads, ure pure funny, infact, you crack my ribs...LOL!!

Damola
www.unotechmedia.com

Queen of My Castle said...

You are just too cute! LOL

Risquediva said...

talking in ur sleep...my friend said i done that once but i dont think its true...but babe u crack me up..i was just laughing as i was reading ur post

The Last King Of Scotland said...

short and fat aint cute. laughing at the fake fune peeps. u will be fine. still love u sis.

Afronuts said...

LMAO!@ sleeptalking.

I've met ur type. The fun is where u record all the nonsense they say while sleeping, replay it for them when they're awake and watch them wear that funny look on their face and scream.."I said all that sh*t?"

Afrobabe said...

Hahahahhahahahhahahah...Abeg leave me oh...Babe, you are nopt the only one that fune has eluded oh...I went to lag and met babes speaking cockney..how?? asked one, a uni lag babe, if she was born in uk and her friend laughed and said she had never crossed ghana...

see wahala...

Supergirl said...

Kai, this is the bimbylads i miss. You are absolutely hillarious. Dont worry, ill pray for you so you can lose weight o. About the fune, no mind these fake fake lagos girls that look like dolls. Most of them never reach international airport o. Keep it rolling girl , you havent lost your shine yet, youre doing just fine.

beautiful soul said...

you are hilarious.

about the sleep talking, i hate to admit that i do it too. I say so much rubbish and it is even more embarassing when people ask me what i am saying and then i try to confuse them by justifying it.

My fune is razz. My oyinbo peeps don't think so. they understand me perfectly. but sometimes sha my toungue twists or i can't pronounce somethings. e.g instead of saying sheep i say ship or instead of sheet i say shit or instaed of beach i say bitch. Not like i know the difference sha.

Unmodern said...

I concur @ the short and fat comment. Please hit the gym o .... Its supposed to be really easy for guys sef I.e to lose weight and get soem definition

1stpet2v9 said...

LMAO!!! I will always love ur blog, bimby.. geezzz!

curvyice said...

I needed the humor i just got from ur post. okay just maybe i fune a lil but like u said mine is for work purpose only......lol

i talk in my sleep when im very stressed out n stuff but i hope i havent scared anyone yet.......

men no be only u dye fat oh, this cold weather is not helping either. im trying to get a personal trainer just maybe that would make me work out but men the bill of 1656 dolars doesnt look cheap either.

as usual i enjoyed coming on here, keep making me laugh mi dear.

exschoolnerd said...

i miss ur blogs..welcome back!!!!

dont worry ur not the only one who talks in her sleep..i remember my cousin...we used to sleep in the same room..i'll be talking on the fone..next thing id hear is

"the sugar is on the fire!"

na she dey tlk from sleep oh...fear will ctach me ehn..ill hit ah..will u wake up jare..what sugar is on fire...ur hanging out with ur witchie friends again...


what is wearing u down? pls dnt try that one oh...u just cant stop blogging...

about the fune..i feel u jare..mesef i have tried and tried i jst cannot pull it off...tru talk jare....in my class they are lots of fune speakers....its so hilarious cause dey just mess d thig up and end up shelling....

princesa said...

LMAO!
Abeg make una leave us local champs o! Who says we can't aspire,lol!

bimbylads said...

lol@ exschool nerd!! lol.. thanks jare for all ur funny comments and moments of 'talking in your sleep and fune speaking' at least every one is on the same page as me.. shikena

Calabar Gal said...

"I joined the office gym, Icant bring myself to go"

Familiar story bimby lads. Just be yourself. LOL!

Calabar Gal said...

Where is the link to your archives bimbylads? Cant seem to find it on your page.

Anonymous said...

@desperate lady- You are such a liar. I have just read your blog and am going to copy it and send it to cally. You think you can lie behind her becos you have uninvited her. Bitch half the people that read your blog are friends with her so quit lying. Why did you say you curse the person that gave her your number as if that is not the number she has always had for you and talked to you as confused child and unknown blogger? If you are not confused child and unknown blogger how come you always answered the phone and spoke to her. Maybe you would soon say that unknown blogger sold you her phone the way you lied that she is your cousin. Liar.
You are trying to convince people that cally called you to beg you. Bitch I saw her comments here when she asked afrobabe to delete the comments and that yall had sorted it out. She told me that she spoke to unaked and deleted her comments becos of him. Am so mad at her for doing that after what the ass kisser wrote here about her becos you promised him America.
So why are you lying that she called you and begged you? Or are you trying to convince people further that you are not confused child and unknown blogger. Bitch people don't buy it. They laugh behind your back asshole. Stop telling lies and get a life. And if you like uninvite me also. There are more people that have access to your blog that would spill the beans idiot.
Leave cally alone you idiot and stop talking about her child and hubby. Since it is hard for you to get either that you have to come online to desperately find one leave her alone. I know her very well and you are not in her class you thrashy drug pushing slot.

bimbylads said...

@ anon above... is everything OK!? who is desperate lady??! lol

1 + The One said...

Your blog CRACKS me up!! lol
I don't think I've laughed so hard reading anyone's blog..
@talking in your sleep, I used to do that before and used to pray I wouldn't leak out one secret like that hehehe
@fune..mehn that one has sort of eluded me small.. the worst part is when you think "yeah, i nailed that one" and you really didnt nail nada, just something funny coming out of your mouth lol
Love your blog! xx