23.10.07

The Video Man with A difference....









Oga.. Oga gaaan ni for some people o.. but before I even yarn, let me congratulate the latest MRS S- my darling….congratulations on your recent wedding. Your life is a testimony to all of us that God does not fail- may your life be full of love and happiness forever in Jesus name. Amen.

where was I ? ehen... I was saying that it is oga for some people. why abi? ehen, wait jare let me talk-- you too dey shake. It is this yeye video man I am talking about o- infact, the nonsense and jagbajantis the man told me has taken a few weeks to sink in… What is wrong with African men and women?? Why can’t we do jobs with the same zeal and vigour that an oyinbo man will? Ehn? Abeg commot there- before you start to defend your business… most African women/ men you hire to do jobs for you deliver crap; and they expect you to pay.. thunda faya their yansh- come and squeeze me for your money.. bingo like you..… …

Ok … why am I ranting? thats how I hired this video man from Ouagadougou abi wetin be the country- the one where they speak faranse? not french o (the broken French- that I hear real French people don’t understand..)- I sha hired him to record and capture a very special occasion for us. That’s how the man called me a few weeks back to tell me my video was ready, I was estatic that he had done a very quick job and asked when I could come and get my CD. You can imagine my anger when he told me quite plainly that the first 3 hours of the recording had no sound. I was livid. I was reluctantly reminded of the warnings my mother had dished out prior to my hiring this faranse man. … “Always hire more than one video man for important occasion...always- no matter the cost, or the recommendations you hear" I had grunted in reply and totally ignored her. My mum had reasons for warning me so severely. Let me share the story with you.. oya siddon make i give una that gist briefly.... see as your eye dey blink-- you tooooooo like gist!! me sef I gbadun you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A long time ago, Mama bimby had an important meeting with some of her ex school mates. It had been 20 years since they had graduated from secondary school.. Every one was doing great and no one had died… In recognition of such achievement, they decided to throw a massive 20th year anniversary party-.

Now you can imagine, the meeting was packed full, and everyone had ideas of how to make the party the best ever. Some people volunteered to bring food, while some decided that they would cover the drinks... Na so dem turn to mama bimby, oya wetin be your own contribution? Mama bimby think am well well.. “Ill ensure the whole event is covered on video" she replied, nodding her head eagerly... " Ill hire a recommended video man to ensure that every single moment is captured".... yes,..."leave the video cover to me".
A few people nodded their thank yous, but many were concerned. One lady spoke up " Mama bimby how kind of you to offer, but with video, why don’t we all contribute to hire a professional videographer who will supply a whole team to capture the day- it is an important day that MUST be well covered... lets hire at least 3 video men?" The lady looked around as she spoke and many people nodded in agreement... What she was saying made a lot of sense...
Mama bimby did not find it funny... “No o... Insult! I will pay for it myself... e ma worry, the video man I will get will do correct job"
And so mama bimby was awarded the duty of ensuring that the whole day was captured on video…..Hunting she went, in search of a recommended video man..
" always work on recommendation" was her motto for major event planning.... On this occasion, Papa Kayus was recommended by 2 friends who swore by him
" papa Kayus will almost embarrass you with the way he will capture the event" they said. Mama Bimby was happy.. Off to Papa Kayus she went...

Na so as mama bimby locate papa Kayus, she decided to interview him briefly to be sure of his capabilities... He greeted her well and handed her his business card: - PAPA KAYUS, VFF, MSB, ABC...the video man with a difference..."... was boldly inscribed on the cheaply printed card. She decided to ignore his raggedy looks and faulty English ....' after all,, its about skills'.. Right? WRONG!!! lol

Eyeing the business card, she said; " Papa Kayus, I have worries o, even though you are qualified, my colleagues want me to hire more than one video man, but I hear you are as good as three"

* laughs modestly*... " ahn madamu, I don findeo mariyam babangida, I don fideo for NTA, King Wasiu barrister, Ebenezer Obey........ No findeo I findeo wey no good.. madamu, no hire anoda persin o.. I fit..."

" papa kayus, this day is an important day for us o.. it is our old girls school party- celebrating 20 years since we graduated" Mama Bimby felt the need to stress the importance of the event.

" madamu, hinfant…... I will do a wondavoo job"

" I be votograver too- I snap voto..." " I go school o" He added, pointing to his business card.

Mama Bimby was not totally convinced, and going against her instincts, she hired him...and so, Papa Kayus and Mama bimby shook hands on their newly formed partnership.

The day came and Mama bimby saw as the Papa Kayus declined food and drink to go up and down; ensuring he was capturing every single speech, handshake, dance, cough, sneeze, and mess of all the party guests.

Papa Kayus climbed trees, jumped on tables, scattered chair arrangements; and stood annoyingly behind VIP's and as he vigorously covered the whole occasion:

Mama bimby was pleased. she smiled and waved at everyone as if to say ' see as Papa kayus is videoing the whole event with uttermost dedication-- next time, TRUST ME
"

Three weeks after the event, Papa Kayus has not come to meet mama bimby with videos. Mama bimby decided to wait another 2 weeks before she paid a visit to papa kayus filming studio. The following conversation ensued, and I report:

" madamu welcome… siddown" he grabbed a dusty chair and pats it.

* ignores him and hisses* “papa kayus, this is nonsense now? Where is the video for the 20 year anniversary you filmed??""

" feem?"

" Papa kayus, don’t make me loose my temper.. The party you covered for us 5 weeks ago? The guests are beginning to ask for it and I need to have the 50 copies I ordered now"

"hoookaaaaaaaaaaay!... the feeeeeeem for the school... madamu, I dey come.."

Papa kayus nods eagerly and trots towards a camcorder- which was resting on a three legged table. He carries it and inspects it for several minutes. Mama bimby is tapping her foot impatiently and eyes him. He is now staring at the lens of the camera and as he does so, he widens his eyes almost to the size of saucers.

Another second or two passes before Papa Kayus suddenly jumps up and exclaims:

" madamu........................m’ogbe oo……yeeeeeeeeee!! yeeeeeeeee!! ORI IYA MI OOOOOOOOOO" (my mothers head o)



Mama bimby jumps too as she thinks there is impending danger...

" Papa kayus.. What is it?? ki ni? What...??"

Papa kayus ignores Mama bimby and lifts the camcorder on his head... still exclaiming...

" Ori IYAAAAAAAAAA MI OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO""

" papa kayus will you stop shouting and let me know what the problem is... where is my video..."
Papa kayus is panting; while still holding the camcorder on his head...

" madamu.. yeeeeeee... iya mi o.. iyaaaaaaa miiiiii.... the feeem... the feeeemm.. ees.... haf.... DELETI"!

My mum thought she did not hear correctly...

" Papa kayus.. What did you say happened to the video?""

" the findeo.............. haf delete".

"WHAAAT?"

"madamu... I feem..... walahi!! I feem efritin...* wails and spins around*......I feem o!!...I feem efribody…... but I look am now.. I no see am..,.... no findeo .. it yaf DELETE!!"

My mum understood perfectly well what she was hearing. Papa Kayus had deleted the film? After jumping on trees and destroying the seating arrangements… he had nothing to show for it??

Wanting to curse his whole generation out, she decided to leave his studio before she committed murder. The real problem was how she was going to explain to 50 ex secondary school mates that she had gone to collect the videos and papa kayus- the video man with a difference deleted the recording. Needless to say folks, after that event, My mum hires 5 video men at a mininum for ANY EVENT- I repeat, ANY EVENT.. even if its is to capture her daughers' first time driving a car: Oloye Film, Akin Video, Ikemefuna Films; Aliu Mogaji and Sons with one other will be there to capture the event... did i hear someone say.. Once bitten 5 times shy?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So my dears... what do I do with this faranse video man? I have called my mum to tell her what happened and she was silent for 10 minutes before she changed the subject. She acted like I hadnt even said anything- I dey fear o.. the day she will decide to talk!??!- Mummy you know I love you! :) ......meanwhilly, anyone has ideas of solutions?? how do I get sound back on a video o?!!



to now add atarodo on top of the injury; the faranse man asked a very very very very stuuuuuuuuupid question just before I hung up in anger.....
" madame...zid any one elze captwure l' evant- maybe wiz telephone?"

Ehn o.. yes... every body did... becasue I sent them message to bring phone to come and be videoing our event... hiss ...thunda fire your faranse yansh.

People like this make me scream. Wo, I am going to eat jare...


See you tommorow evening... thought to use this post to cool u down and allow me work on a very HOT chapter.. lol...Sade, Wale, Sangeya and Jenny return with a bang tommorw
ciao...

Bimbs

31 comments:

30+ said...

Nonsense gbaa ni so even if they used phone to capture even you will start collecting donation of phones to get the whole event, egbecious guy.

I standby jare for Sade and co

bimbylads said...

lollllll.. imagine the yeye goat.. and u should have seen how he was chopping rice that day ehn.. i should have known.. lol..

Sade is coming ma luv.. lol...

darkelcee said...

e yaaaa,

this is crazy (sincerely) it's really sad . I have plenty experiences with tailors and i am contemplating going for a tailoring classes.

but not too worry all will be well ok?

at least you still have the video and just the sudio disappeared.
what if the visual too "haf delete" wetin you wan do?

Tomorrow is definately a date.

Enjoy

darkelcee said...

*audio*

ADEOLA said...

LOL!!! BIMBO ABEG ..PLS DONT KILL ME..I'M AT WORK!! LMAO

cally-waffybabe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Deola....why are you reading this at work!! dont let me come down to the 6 th floor and catch you!
lol
hahahaha......please this Faranse guy took the biscuit!!....So childrent listen to your mothers!! She even gave you an example of how how the "fideo" man messed her up!!...hahahhahahaha....too funny!

Anonymous said...

lol.....i hope you didnt pay him in full.

fluffycutething said...

Try this one for size...

I hear some band didn't show up for a wedding reception in Naija, I cannot imagine, how the bride survived that truly...

Would she have made the guests sing and clap as she marched in????????

ROFL

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

Bimby, i know a guy who knows a guy who can make it look like an accident. the guy na crase man? i hope this no b d event wey i miss o? chai and i was looking forward to seeing the video o!! but sha make we thank God at least he didnt say the videa haf delete!! that would have been murder.

fluffycutething said...

@DARKELCEE- In this Naija you need to have at least 5 tailors and hairdressers each.If one disappoints you, you move on to the next one.

I keep collecting phone numbers and trying tailors and salons like no man's business oh.

As for drivers, electricians,plumbers etc it's story for another day

Anonymous said...

arant nonsense.....the guy reach to flog. since na haf work e give you, you sef pay am haf moni....

oloshi alakoori like him....

engee

bimbylads said...

lollllllllllllll@ engeeeeeeee, fluffy and 36.. lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll pls u people should not kill me.. lol

2ndCorin5:17 said...

LMAAAOOOOOO!
U will not get me fired 4rm dis unpaid internship!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!
U sef, u 4 ansa ya mama... lol...

I'll do some research 4 u, then get back at u hopefully not too late

Supergirl said...

Cool!Bimby is back with her thing. Dont mind the stupid man jare, hope it gets sorted out some how

darkelcee said...

@2nd corint5:17... ROTFLMAO, you wan record another audio on top the video ?

Come to think of it, we can lip sync now abi? no be so dem dey do those mexican muvee? wey mouth go dey talk somin and na another thing we go dey hear?

Bimby hail me if you need me for that ok.
I can lend my mouth and voice to a sister.lol!

Pele once again.

Lighty said...

lol! ye ohhh, how da hell did dat guy delete d video? and franese guy sure is a piss taker. ololdo oshi lol.
am crossing my legs 4 2moro.

londonnaijachic said...

oga for the video man oh! I can imagine how livid you will be and he even has thye audacity to ask if anyone captured it on their phone. Dumb! Like you can capture the whole event on ur camera phone or it will be of the same quality as a video camera,oniranu!

Anonymous said...

LMAOOOOOO @ " madame...zid any one elze captwure l' evant- maybe wiz telephone?"

yepa!

t4 said...

LMAO... i am rolling on the floor!!!....lol especially the guy ur momsy hired who was climbing on tables and all... totally naija video taping style.

please let us hear from wale and co soon!!

~Mimi~ said...

LOL!

d findeo af deleti! LAWL!

Anonymous said...

BIMBY!!!! You will NOT kill me abeg o!!!

Ide

P.S: That email...still want it? I haven't read all the past episodes though so waiting till I do.

Mr.Fineboy said...

HILARIOUS! "Wiz se telephone?" Too funny men. That's what u get for not listening to mama bimby! Nice one Bimbs....More!!!!

acainto said...

LOL! Really a video man with a serious difference!

ibilola said...

e yaa! LOL! u 4 no give momsie ammunition , now!

bimbylads is FUNNNNY!

YankeeNaija said...

"e yaa! LOL! u 4 no give momsie ammunition , now!"

Poor Bimby. Mom's probably storing this tidbit for later use. Good luck with the audio.
You're hilarious. I'm not laughing at you, but laughing with. lmao

Unbiased said...

sisi welcome back o!!! I thot bimbylads had been replaced by 'Hell hath no fury'. lol!!
So we are satisfied now. Your book can return

Anonymous said...

lol..i don laugh so tey!sadly but true...a lot of 9ja pple never deliver at all...alhaji mogaji n sons...LMAO..ikemefuna dis girl u don kill me o

Calabar Gal said...

Pele Bimby lads. We shall all learn from ur mistakes and experiences with all these fideomen. LOL!!

The Last King Of Scotland said...

believe me folks i heard the story first hand and it was as hilarious as bimby's narrative of the story. too funny

N.I.M.M.O said...

Reminds me of my traditional wedding videos. The guy came recommended as the best video man in the whole of Oron.

After the whole thing, the guy sent me three full VCDs - without audio!

I simply told him to go and liaise with my father in-law and organize another traditional wedding for me. Make sure everybody is invited and must be present, then he can shoot it again - then I would pay him his balance.

The cheek of it! He was asking for his balance!

BimbyLads you sef can make everything look funny but i guess it wasnt.

Nimmo.