16.7.07

The Summer of '89

*** since i had this in my drafts, i decided to leave u guys with this post as a bye bye..I am going away for a while and wont have internet, for about a month or so.. so enjoy this post and MISS ME NOT!!.............


ENJOY:


It was the summer of 1989. 8 year old bimbylads was ecstatic. She was going to spend the summer with her grandmother, Mama Surulere. Ever since her mother had taken her away from Mama Surulere 2 years back, Bimbylads had always looked forward to either spending the summer in England or at Mama Suruleres place. The trend was that, each summer, her mother would take her to mama S’s place for the first half, and the second half will be spend abroad. Truth be told, the first half of each summer meant much more to Bimby than the second.

The whole Itire crew (the area in surulere where mama S lived), loved the 8 year old wide eyed, sharp mouthed bimbylads. She was lively, and never looked down on them, she was able to fit into the crowd and play whatever games they had. This was not a crew of Barbie dolls and Nintendo. This was a crew of sugar cartoons, bottle covers and sand. Yet, whenever bimbylads came by, she fit in perfectly because after all, she once lived there……
**********************************************************************************
This particular summer, my mother dropped me @ Mama’s place, “be a good girl o”. “you know mama will flog you if you misbehave”… “if you like, sleep in Jimoh’s house again like the last time and see if mama will not beat you senseless”… those were the usual warnings my mum would give as she dropped me. I was used to them, although I did not understand why my friendship with Jimoh or the crew disturbed anyone. Jimoh was my BEST friend, regardless of his number 11 ondo marks, or his bald head, or even his inability to pronounce R…(for Jimoh, all R was pronounced as G… (ive blogged about this before but for the benefit of the newbie’s)… so instead of Rice, Jimoh would say Gice.... so for Jimoh... 'i am really upset' would be ' i am gilly upset'

My Itire CREW:

The crew in Itire consisted of Nneka, the very yellow ibo girl with orange-ish hair that lived opposite Jimoh. Although her hair was always woven in permanent thread, Nneka was still very pretty and her ibo accent was deep. For some reason, she always added ‘eh’ after every word... so she would say... ‘ abimby- eh.. let us-eh.. go-eh and play-eh’.

Nneka’s grandmother, Mama Caroline was a strict catholic woman that would call us every evening to make us recite hail Marys.. Mama Caroline did not joke with evening mass o!... once its 5.30, mama carol will gather all of us and drag us to the Itire Catholic church, plus Jimoh. Jimoh would always grumble: ‘ mama cago, Muslim ni mi o, mi o kin pgay ni shosh’ …. ( Mama Cago, I am a muslim, i dont pgay in shurches)


Also in the crew was Francis. Francis was a very timid boy. He hardly ever spoke, and when he did, he dragged his words so much that you would almost slap him down with a mortar to shut him up. He lived on the same road with Jimoh, Nneka and my grandma. And so, we 4 became fast friends. I was the most exposed and the loudest so naturally, I led the crew, with Jimoh as second in command.. loll!! The memories make me laugh.



Mama Carol;Nnekas grandma, and my grand ma were tight meen… they spent most evenings gossiping and catching trips about the neighborhood. Mama C knew everything from which woman papa Kingsley was sleeping with to how Iya Kafayats son was not really in London as a doctor but was in Abidjan doing cobbler work.

I thoroughly enjoyed standing in a corner and listening and absorbing the entire gist. I dared not listen in from of them, I always hid myself and listened till I was tired..

This particular evening… I was tired of sitting at home and decided to go and ask my grandma if I could play outside… I was walking towards her room when I heard my grandma talking to some one.. I stopped to listen….I could only hear my grandma’s voice... the conversation went thus:

“ o tio”…. “ni tani?” ( no o.. who?)
“aje ke?” ( a witch????)

iro ni!... emi naa so be” ( it’s a lie!!… hmm..I thought so too)

o ka? o n fo ke? Lo’ru?... Oluwa sha’nu fun wa o

( she confessed? she flies? At night? God have mercy)

The conversation stopped me dead in my tracks.. who was a witch in Itire o? a flying witch? Wonderful!! I had to warn the crew… but before I do so, let me listen and grab the gist well… so I listened as my grandma rambled on in Yoruba:

“emi o ni ki mo o” ( I wont talk to her again)

ani aje le’yan, e tun beere” ( I said someone is a witch and u r still asking....)
Then paused, sighed and said

Ah Mama Caro o!... aye yi sha” ( Ah mama caro; this life!)

When I heard the last bit.. I was frozen. MAMA CARO WAS A WITCH!!! Yeeeeeeeeeepa!! I began to shake!! All the evening Mass she used to call us to??… all the gurudi I used to eat under the moon light with Jimoh, Nneka and Francis, the akara nko? Fresh hot and succulent? Ehhhhhh!! My life o!! Mama caro!!!!.

I almost shouted but I did not want my grand ma to catch me there so I retreated back to my room and waited.

The next morning I was up at 6 am. I had a mission. I had a calling. I had to warn the crew that Mama caro was a witch. I crept out of the house. First point of call: Jimohs parents room. I knocked on d door. Mama J opened the door, wide eyed, she asked what I wanted so early. Jimoh had gone to fetch water she said

‘OK ma. I replied. ‘
'Mo fe warn Jimoh ni ma'
’ ( I want to warn Jimoh)…
‘warn ke? Kilode?’ ( why)..
ma- ma ca- ca- ro- a -a- je’ ( ma-ma carol wi- wi- tch) I stammered…
'Ki ni'? She screamed at me.. what?... just then Jimoh came back with an iron bucket on his head..
Jimoh, aje ni mama caro o! mama mi so fun mi … aje ni mama caro..” I chanted as if I was in a trance ….( Mama caro is a witch my grandma told me.)… Mama Jimoh looked at me, and for some reason asked me to narrate my story. I told her all I knew, but I added jara well well.

I told her that someone had told my gran mum that Mama Caro had confessed to witchcraft in the middle of the night.. and THAT my grandma told me to quickly warn my friends especially as we always ate dinner at mama carols place..

Mama Jimoh nodded and told me not to worry that all would be well. Satisfied that I had warned Jimoh, I proceeded to Francis.

It was easier with Francis. He hardly spoke. I told him that mama caro was a witch, he nodded in response. “Tell your mummy”… I warned. Tell her today,today that my grandma said mama caro is a witch. He nodded. I assumed he got the message, and I sped off.

I now had just Nneka to warn. How would I tell her that her own mama was a flying witch .. like superman but with fadeyi oloro powers? How could I? but I had a calling… I told myself. The crew depended on me, so I summoned courage and knocked on their door. Within minutes, Mama caro opened the door. I looked into her eyes and made the sign of the cross across my tiny forehead. “Abimby, ah, did Mama Surulere send you so early”? She asked, lovingly pulling me close to her.

I froze in her grasp… then suddenly fought my self free and ran back home while she watched me in amusement-. I decided I would conclude my mission tomorrow.


A few days after my eavesdropping, my grandma sent me to go alongside Bose, her Togolese house help to grind pepper.. on our way back home, we heard noises in the distance, and as we drew close, I realized the noises where from my Mama’s house.

We walked up to the house and lo and behold, standing in a straight line was 4 or 5 of the kids in the neighbor hood, plus Jimoh, Francis and Nneka. Sitting down was mama caro, mama J, and 3 other neighbors plus my grandma. I went nearer. I noticed mama carol was crying. She was saying “ why una go callu me winsh eh? I no be winsh eh?”… the other neighbors were trying to console her and at the same time my grandma was saying.. “ but who said you were a witch?”…. KASALA DON BURST O!!! I hid behind Bose.. and hoped with all of me that no one would say they heard the gist from me.
Mama caro told her that the kids were calling her names, and isolated Nneka as a result of that. She said they pointed to my grandma's house when asked where they got the gist from.... my grand ma was livid....

Oya, 8 of you, line up here” bellowed my grandma in anger…

“which of you called mama caro a witch”? she screamed, tying and retying her wrapper in anger…

I had pissed in my pant behind Bose. I was still hiding and had no been seen yet.

Jimhon spoke first- the goat. “ mama suGuleGe.. bimby lo so pe mama caGo je aje… laaaGo kutu kutu lo wa si ile wa.. egly morGin’’

( mama surulere, bimby told us that mama caGo was a witch, she told us that on a very eaGly morGing) (replace R for G)

Ewwwwwwo!!this idiot!! Wetin I go do nooww??!! Jimoh had casted me. His mum did not help matters, she narrated the story as I told it, plus her OWN JARA!! She was gesticulating as if she was acting Indian film… ‘ehn o.. omo yin lo so fun wa o! ehn o! ( yes o.. your gran-daughter told us so)


Francis attested against me too… ‘ na bimby tell us say mama caro say na winch’

Nneka nodded in agreement
The other four kids( who I had never spoken to in my life) too spoke.. one particular one was crying and gasping and just saying .. ‘bimby… mama caro.. bimby .. aje.. bimby..’ ( bimby... witch.. bimby..mama caro)

I clutched on to BOSE and wished I could disappear.. I was in Deep trouble.

My grandmother was hysterical, she screamed my name. MY FULL NAME.. ‘abimbola. ADEBimby lads’… BOSE pushed me forward as if she was on remote control..

I lurched forward, clutching my skirt and weeping.

"Emi ko ma…"( not me ma) I attempted to lie… KPAI! That was the sound of the slaps on my face… kpai, kpai kpai.. like 6 slaps.. at one go.. grandma was seriously beating me in front of crew.. she was screaming.. shouting ….”alakoba omo… ko ni pa mi.. alakoba” ( you wont put me in trouble... this girl)


Then she made me go on my knees and beg mama caro. Made me say it was not true.. then she made me do frog jump… meen like 150.. up down,, up down…my ears, legs and back were in agonizing pain..

Infact, in my entire life, I had never been flogged or humiliated like that….. imagine, I had to go to all the neighbors to tell them I had lied and that mama caro was indeed a serious mass going catholic and that I started the rumor.

the lesson i learnt...that day.. that year..... the SUMMER of 1989............*************************************************************************************

I DISCOVERED LATER THAT-
Apparently, mama caro was not a witch, my grandma was talking to someone on the phone, they spoke about someone whom they thought was a witch, then changed subject of conversation and talked about mama caro and how nice she was.. which is why my grandma was saying that she and mama caro were friends… I only in my childlike foolishness jumped into a very deadly conclusion… which cost me my seniority amongst my crew, plus increased my leg muscles….

Ciao
bimbylads

63 comments:

Mr.Fineboy said...

*DEAD*

Bimby u are a geal madwoman!

bhookey84 said...

yayyyy im second, ok lemme go read

Zephi said...

buhaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa...That was hilarious.

bhookey84 said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO hilarious lol amebo o

Azumi♥ said...

Ha! I just found this blog and I'm loving it already.

I'm sure the people around me thought I was mad with the way I was laughing hysterically while I was reading.

Nice one!!!

...toyintomato said...

...lmao : bimby at age 8 yr gbeborun skills was already being perfected
whoa.."6am " you started spreading the gist..,with this act all i can say is "much respect to the great bimbylads"..hahaha

Dimples said...

Mo daran o...as in Bimbo u are just mad o...

I just love Mama Surulere....seemed like she even brushed u more than Mr Oke use to in secondary Skool...In your life again o ni ma gbeborun mo...

Nice one!!!

30+ said...

Olofofo yega afe sogo awo, olofofo yega afe sogo awo. Na God catch you LMAO pele o, so how did you geclaim your title back.

Anonymous said...

bimbs...u are a nutter...please dont go away for two long!!

fluffycutething said...

wat a racket that must've been....

Na wa all this drama for just one "tiny" person;)

Uzo said...

Hilarious.....LOL. Hurry back

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

ah! bimbylads..gbeborun ni e..but i'm sure u learnt ur lesson..next time u carry gist..hear well.lol! this had me grinning like a cheshire cat!

Naijadude said...

hahahah I was laughing so bad... that was good eh!

Idemili said...

Hahahahaha! Serves you right! Hohohohhoho! Bimbylads, you will not kill me!

O.šeyï said...

HAHAHAHA.... so your story-telling started back then. lol. gbeborun.

Linda Ikeji said...

ure such a woman. in ur pix u look so gentle and sweet...im sure ure sweet, but gentle? nah!lol.ure so funny and i love the way you seem to enjoy life.thats the best to live it.ciao

AIVY said...

this girl mehn... u go kill me oh!!

abeg hurry up and come back cos u always make my day.
***my colleagues are atarting to wonder why i dey laugh like mad person.

Desola said...

Kai! i said I wasn't going to visit this blog during work hours o. This is the sort of blog you ought to read at home and have a good belly laugh.

Lol....

Naija Vixen said...

Crazeness to the extreme!!! LMAO!!!

BiMbyLaDs** said...

im helping bimbylads accept her comments for the time being... thanks for ur comments.. i agree with u all that she is indeed a nut case...

jules said...

Hilarious thanks bimby for the responses, when i ad problems with my blog, just unfortunate i would be able to communicate with you, but no sweat all the same,enjoy yourself and come back with enouf gist 0.

This is my address- www.julesosa55.blogspot.com

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

She has really kolo. And the funiest thing was I could see myself getting into that same trouble. The way she walked crying..my goodness, how many time have that happened to me..This really took me back. I guess when you are the leader of a gang, you need to serious protect your gang at all costs, poor bimby, she didnt know she was on a wrong mission..


I have never laughed so hard in my life, and its a friday evening. Im so exhausted thanks to this post.

catwalq said...

dang,
kpele. next time, ti oro o ba kan e, wa dake gbamu!!!!

temmy tayo said...

You wont kill me. Anyways, u still dey keep in touch with Jimoh? see ya soon babes.

2ndCorin5:17 said...

haaaaa!!! Bimby Lads!!! Chai... next time you wudn't cagy rumors, lol!!!

onyinye said...

hey :) i def appreciate you stopping by my blogospot i really do <33

onyinye said...

hey i really appreciate you stopping by my blog :) i really do much luv <33

Nwanyiocha said...

LOL

Bimby got an ass whopping like no other lollolol,

che this brings back some not so fond memories - che God lolol,

hurry back pls. lol

Nwanyiocha said...

lololol

Bimby got an ass whopping like no other, lololol - brings back some not so fond memories che

lolol
take care and hurry back

Anonymous said...

weGe ni e weGe(U are a loonie, u really are). Hmmn u'll be sorely missed.

The Last King Of Scotland said...

brilliant post crazy sis! jimoh i know, the story i dont. news to me. at least u learnt u wont do 'eke' again, lol. fantastic

Jaycee said...

LOLLLLLLL.....this story cracked me up...(I had to share)...lolll

Mrs Somebody said...

Those 4 other kids you didn't even know came up to testify against you?See Itire life as e be?Kpele sha.

Chameleon said...

lol... this is too funny!

bimby i'll miss ur stories sha... come back soon!

omohemi Benson said...

lmao!
Gbeborun bimby.

For one whole month no internet access,yepa! I'll miss you oh!

Aijay said...

Just too funny!! Lmao...

Supergirl said...

Kai Bimby, you must have been one hell of a naughty kid o. Not bad at all, at least you have a tale to tell your kids. Do you know where any of your surulere pple are now?

princesa said...

Hilarious!
Am sure u learnt the lesson Bimbylads!
Amebo, Gbeborun, Gbefila, Eavesdropping is not good!!!

~Mimi~ said...

bimby, i havent commented????

kai, na wa for you oh. and your gbeborun. see where it landed you. hot slaps! eyaaaaaa.

oya where are you? hurry up and come back oh.

Toni Payne said...

lol... Ake, kai poor mama caro. Kids will be kids sha.

Anonymous said...

I saw these two comments on Bella Naija’s comment page of “This day Concert” and I thought the whole world should know. I love Oprah and the rest of the Artists my aim is just to show Nigerians that it is time we start supporting our own people and make our own country better. Contrary to what Oprah thinks Nigerians are the smartest most intelligent people in this world.

PLEASE READ THE PIECE BELOW FROM NIGERIAN PUNCH NEWSPAPER AND PASS YOUR COMMENT:


Oprah Winfrey got it wrong

By Our Reader
Published by PUNCH NEWSPAPER: Thursday, 26 Jul 2007

Recently, America’s TV girl, Oprah Winfrey, called on America to sever diplomatic relationships with world’s topmost corrupt countries.

Worst of all the countries, Oprah surmised, is Nigeria.

According to her, “all Nigerians – regardless of their level of education – are corrupt.”

It is very pathetic that Oprah could ascribe to a larger population, the evil act of an insignificant number of persons in the world’s most populous black nation.

Oprah’s conclusion is based on the fact that a Nigerian of Igbo extraction was caught with $500,000, which was alleged to have been stolen from a foreigner through the Internet fraud popularly known as 419.

Oprah had sponsored an hour-long programme, which ran for several days on the CNN, with the sole aim of exposing the clever tricks espoused by this group of Nigerians to con their victims.

Much has been said about the greed of the victims themselves, and I need not say more about it.

However, at a time when Americans are committing heinous crimes against children and women, nobody has tagged all Americans as murderous.

So, why call all Nigerians rogues because of the sin of a few bad eggs?

Oprah regularly tells her life story: how she was sexually abused by close relations, how she ‘walked the streets’ (Americans’ euphemism for prostitution), etc., but nobody has ever deemed it fit to tag all American men as incestuous because of Oprah and others’ experiences.

She did drugs – just like the typical American teenager, but nobody has cast all American youths in the mould of drug abusers!

So, why should an individual that is supposed to know better sentence a nation to odium for the infraction of a tiny fraction of its population?

I urge Oprah and her likes to disabuse their minds about Nigerians.

Be wary of requests for money from strangers, and if you fall for a scam, blame your greed and not Nigerians.

Okoli Vitalis,

legendchyke@gmail.com


http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art200707260133325
Ps: to the owners of the blog I’m sorry for invading your blog. I just felt we Nigerians need to let go of that inferiority complex of American things being way better than Nigerian’s. We need to make our stuff better too if we think it is not up to standard.

Im A Babe said...

babe where u dey go na??
funny stuff by d way

Olamild said...

waowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
eiya
we've all done something similar to that but we learn from our mistakes.
nice post

catwalq said...

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CATWALQ INTERNATIONAL ACADEMIE HAS ARRIVED.
CHECK IT OUT ON MY BLOG.

Favoured Girl said...

LMAO at "flying witch .. like superman but with fadeyi oloro powers?" LOOOL.

Sorry o Bimby look where your story telling got you?

mirage said...

a friend told me bout your blog men you are hillarious, a clown is an understatement a character is a compliment, a comedian is a talent and thats who i think you are girl.am just new on blogville

Confessions of a moody crab said...

Flying witch...Lmao!!! 1st time here...will be back

Unbiased said...

I think you are absolutely nuts. A very naughty child that probably gave her grandma a heart attack. But hey that's what childhood is for. Without the drama there cant be fun. lol. I just cant stop laughing.

Onome said...

meeeeeen dis story kaaak oooo.... dis na real moral lesson (lmao)

Writefreak said...

meeen, i can relate to this, i did something close to that in primary school and i was SO humiliated when the truth came out...lesson...never jump to conclusions especially when we don't have the whole picture

100%Lighty said...

I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR. LMAO. HAAAAA I CAN IMAGINE THE PAIN. SHEA UVE LEARNT UR LESSON NOW, NXT TIME U WULDNT EVEN LISTEN IN ON PPLES CONVERSATIONS.

Naija Vixen said...

cough,cough....it's almost a month oh...;-) Hope you are okay? Miss your posts...have a fab week!

catwalq said...

CATWALQ ACADEMIE II HAS BEEN POSTED....

Anonymous said...

Update ur blog now , plsssssss

uknaija said...

This is so funny

puree said...

congrats girl.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

nne congratulations ooh and happy happy everything oo.

Olawunmi said...

don laff die!!!! lol.

Olawunmi said...

see your amebo life!

blackelcee said...

Bimby, u are not ok at all. lmao! i am laughing real hard here. lawl, lawllll, lawllll!!!!! but why are u MIA? Please come back real soon. i am a new fan of urs.

yayi said...

very funny. i can imagine. i had a sweet childhood like that too. all meddling business and notorious escapades.lol
keep it up gal.

Supergirl said...

Bimby, its over a month now. Come back now, we miss you jare.

3RS said...

lmao....u were really bold....