21.3.07

B.O.L!

......This is getting serious o, my internet wireless connection is still not working, its been 3 weeks since I last logged on to AOL. And I’m paying £14.99 every friggin month.. When I logged on to my pc last night, my neighbor who names his wireless ‘belkin54G’ has officially fully secured his wireless now.. I spotted a new connection called ‘top pipe’ last night. I was elated.. I tried to connect.. alas!.. ‘top pipe’ too secured his own wireless.. imagine, 7 strong connections, ALL SECURED!! Una no good!

Who did I offend noww? Why me? Why now? My enemies, una no go prosper!

I called AOL yesterday morning, I spoke to a man named Sanka who promised to ring me back. Sanka, I’m still waiting o? I can see that u don’t keep ur promises.. by the time I finish with AOL, they will change their name to BOL ( Bims On Line) - ok.. that was very dry.. ha ha..

Anyway. I’m writing a note to drop in all my neighbors houses. How can they be all so stingy? Why must they all secure their wireless? Ehn? Even if it is just to allow me tap wireless from 7-9pm only.. I no go vex..

On my way back from work, I shall ensure that each neighbor receives the note in which I will write

‘ share ur wireless… and it shall be shared unto u too…’…

Maybe that woman downstairs that glares at me every evening when I march upstairs in my very loud heels will be touched and allow me use her own connection.- But wait o! that her yeye her dog that cannot stop barking each time it sees me go surely block my moves..
The dog no like me.... walai! na either Rob or Agboniki I go put inside that dog eye next time I see it.. Very rude dog.. juz dey bark like say na hin mama own the building.. hiss.. and the thing be say, I be law abiding tax payer wey dey pay my rent every month on time.. how much does the dog pay? Na jus to dey chop baked beans 24/7…
If to say na fine dog sef.. hiss… The thing go dey harass persin.. nonsense…

meeen, the weather is cooolld.. kai.. I never see!!.. its freezing..

In fact, I almost put hot water bottle inside my jacket before I left the house this morning.. pata pata, oyinbo people on the train will think I’m pregnant and give me free seat.. Ochimo! I smart no be small o!! ...I will try it next week..

Last night, When I reached the station, I was waiting for my bus.. and as my bus is very irregular, I usually stroll into Judiaya Enterprises ( my corner shop) and pretend like I want to buy something, while warming off under the heater… usually, I buy something small like 50p.. chewing gum, chuppa chops, . anything I see sha.. .. but meen, last night, I no get jack for pocket… and the cold no easy, I be like fish for inside freezer.. all my ear don dey pepper me..my hand don gan! kai. ..

I kent do this no more!!.. na so I enter Judiya enterprises o.. omo.. forgit the heat! Meeeeeeeen.. Mr Judiya God bless u!.. e be like Dubai for hin shop.. very warm.. very cosy..


I come dey peruse the shop…. I had to buy time before my bus came nooow.. I picked a bottle of Coke.. I begin dey look all the ingredients.. ..Mr Judiya too dey look me.. I shook my head.. Put Coke down. Pick up Red bull.. begin dey look the drawing for the bottle.. Wey this yeye bus now?? Mr Judiya dey look.. dey monitor me.. I put Red bull down.. I pick bread.. I press the bread.. e soft? E go flow with cold bournvita? Noo.. E no soft reach.. I put am down….I pick am again.. press am again.. press the left.. press the right..

Mr Judiya looks at me, he is loosing his patience.. People do this to him every time its cold..he asks me. ‘ u buy?’

I look at him , I’m thinking.. ‘ shiooo.. allow me o.. u no see say e cold outside? I answered him ‘ yes, im buying… im coming’..

Omo.. wey this yeye bus nowww? Kai.. I put my hand in my bag.. dey begin count all my 1p coins and coppers.. I count 15p… the bread na big mama bread, which means, na £1.20..
I hold the bread.. I look Mr Judiya.. Mr Judiya too dey look me.. Next thing.. I see my bus.. Number 62….OPE O!! I drop Mr. Judiya bread for counter and ja commot!!

Thank Goodness!! I caught the bus and smiled sweetly at MR Judiya as the bus sped off!! Ill see u tomorrow Mr Judiya.. cold willing! This time around, ill buy 2 Naijatel phone card, and dash Mr Judiya the change just to prove a point…!!

Meanhwile, ive been officially discovered by my own blood!! my big brother found my blog.. !! he dropped me an email over the weekend, let me share it with you:


hey sis,
u never told me u had a blog. just saw it. very funny. typical you!.thought u might include me in there somewhere! of course ur trials and tribulations with aol is well documented. good work. have bookmarked it. u should add naija videos etc to spice it up. i can show u how
big bro


lol! i love my big brother to bits! he may be coming to blogNville..and guys.. he is Hilarious with a capital H! lol.. hope he comes..

Before I sign out, I read some of the comments on my blog yesterday and I was not amused at what a certain ‘anonymous’ commenter wrote. I honestly cannot grapple the one-dimensional behavior that certain individuals exhibit while commenting on peoples blogs. Please I no wan vex o.. no dey come my blog dey insult me like that again o.. Next time, it won’t be easy! ….

thats it for the week.. please read my yesterdays post if you havent already!!

58 comments:

bibi said...

1sttttttttttttttt i caught u today..make i go read.. i hipe no comment moderation o

bibi said...

ok ok.. am really 1st..hahah see nice timing..lemme go read

bibi said...

aww.. its freaking hot here o..God is wonderfull lol at u putting hot water bottle..lol ur big bro found ur blog..lol.lol musta been funny,..invite him o..lol
lemme go read ur yest post..

Dimples said...

What kind of person is this bibi sef?? She not only steal 1st and 2nd position…she even venture reach 3rd...kai!!!

Pele o..u know what try calling AOL and tell them you want to cancel you account…that usually sends a few bells ringing in their head,anyways with NTL sha in those days.Sha chill with steal wireless…cos the kinda shit that is xferd these days can mess your system up.

LOL…it will remain small Mr Judiya will soon start to bounce you from the door..u and him de pay British Gas bill that u are stealing the man’s heating??

Egbon Bimby has found blogville….lol…tell him to make his mark sometime…maybe from those DAYS A-LONG TIME AGO…damn that would be some entertaining read.

Anyways have a FAB week ahead and come back soon….mwah!!!

Mr.Fineboy said...

Bimby , ur a joker!LMAO!!! You press the bread die!! LOL! More more more! You no go kil me men!

Anonymous said...

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLl @ I pick bread.. I press the bread.. e soft? E go flow with cold bournvita? Noo.. E no soft reach.. I put am down….I pick am again.. press am again.. press the left.. press the right..

lollllllllllllllll

bimbylads said...

@bibi!: GOOD GIRL, u r first, second and third..!!
@ dimples: allow bibi o!! lol. shes getting free peppersoup and bournivita on Friday! lol.. egbon bimby will storm blogNville o!! he has enuff stories!!
@MrFineboy: we know how we do now! lol...
@anonymous: lol..abi now!

Anonymous said...

yes oh...another onei s indeed a counterfeit, ds gal u no go wound me with lafta. u r just too much..keep it up jare, no mind the yeye anony. wey wan put sand sand for our garri, ignore the "thing" abeg, just seeking attention

Anonymous said...

yes oh...another onei s indeed a counterfeit, ds gal u no go wound me with lafta. u r just too much..keep it up jare, no mind the yeye anony. wey wan put sand sand for our garri, ignore the "thing" abeg, just seeking attention

Simply Gorgeous said...

Who is this Bibi sef? Bimby wamn am, I no play o-ehem, I have said enough.

Warn am.. properly- no be small o, warmn am well- well- what rubbish.

Bimby- I can't post long I want to go throw up so I will keep it short.


Me and 10 lb dimples are on the same page today. Call AOL say to them " you people are garbage come and smell my yansh" I want to disconnect from you useless people. That would surely do it.

I would block you too. Who wants a lurker in their system?

Two Bimbylads- blogsville will never be the same? Is he a cutie- come closer and whisper, I do not want S.O. sexy to hear me-o. He has been threateing to break my head. He says my eye wander too much- I told him I just had dust in my eye-(smile)

And stop using Mr. Dubai shop as yourhang out spot, I would have dragged you out by your 20 lb dimples..(smile).

I am waiting for your response, and while I wait I will go and purge. No I do not have an eating disorder!!

Anonymous said...

Lol @ £1.20 for soft bread ***Beep beep***- Addiction alert.

Coral

law_damsel said...

u r a nut case...afi judiya enterprises! honestly i still kent believe dat shop is cald judiya, ki lon ju?? ill b observant nxt time

masivhips said...

Funny Funny Funny! lol.

Beyond said...

Really dont know what to say , am getting addicted to your blog. you always have something so funny to say. Anyway, keep doing your thang.
Will be looking forward to your brova in blogland.

Cheetarah said...

Holla Mr.Judiya for me, just paly up with him so you can chill dea anytime,lol. Awwh that nice ur big bro is moving to blogsville,Ur a trip so I can imagine he'll be much more LOL!,I cant wait!
Girl ur 2muuch! Have a gd week!

londonnaijachic said...

lol! judiya enterprises ke? IT is freezing cold.Chai! i hate this cold oh,i'll give anything to be at naija presently

LondonBuki said...

This yeye weather! It is getting on my nerves men!

You better be careful, one day your bus will ZOOM past Judiya Enterprises. LOL!!!

You are not safe in Blogville oh... people will find you.

Take care Bimby, I will be back to reclaim my first position.

Anonymous said...

DRY

Kpakpando said...

kai, as a fellow "borrower" of wireless, I feel your pain... I mean can u possibly be using all of the connection, borrow me small nah

bibi said...

see these people who are jeloxing me..hahahaha

Simply Gorgeous said...

Bimbylads what have you and Fine Boy due to have this anons using your names to clean his yansh. I just cam from Fineboys site. It is too scary.

Ladybug said...

Lol..funny post.
I am loving your blog! :)

LondonBuki said...

@SG I just saw that on Fineboy's page!

Bimby, looks like comment moderation again?

h2b said...

You keep doing what you do, dont listen to any silly anonymous commenters. its hard for many people to understand why you have decided to see the funny side of things. No one knows what you have gone through and what a testimony your life has been. I know you. I know u chose to make this your trademark, you could have easily documented your life struggles, but you did not.
Bimbo is a very funny girl, and livens the days of anyone around her. She doesnt strive too hard before you find yourself cracking up. Thats why, amongst a million other reasons,she is my heart. So leave her alone and let her be.
i know you are shocked im writing this.. so am i! :) love u..

bimbylads said...

@12.04 anonymous: lol.. thanks for stopping by.. wish you would use your names as opposed to anonymous..
@simply: lol.. u just crack me up with your comments.. hmmm.. ur throwing up? CERELAC AND PAMPERS will be in the next post! , im calling AOL now to read out your comment to them WORD for WORD.
BIG BRUVA is a cutie o! come closer let me BITE YOUR WANDERING EYE..
@ lawdamsel: we spoke about this yesterday night and we still cannot understand why! lol. JUDIYA!! lol..
@masivhips: kai.. ill kill to have masivhips..thanks for stopping by, ill come by later . promise

Calabar Gal said...

Hilarious post especially the bit with you and mr judiya. So now BB has found ur blog does that mean there's going to be a little bit of censorship or restraint?

bimbylads said...

@beyond: thnx for stopping by as well.. ill come round later too..
@cheetarah: CAN U IMAGINE! i went tehre yesterday too.. he was STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOP.. GLARING AT ME.. DO U THINK HE READ MY BLOG?? .. lol.. thanks chic.. how r u doing? have a gr8t week too
@LNC: ME TOOOOOOOo
@LB: abi o!
@kpakpando: u know i love u blog! ill be commenting more often now, cos im usually a silent commenter
@ bibi: no mind them jare.. this bournvita is yours
@simplyg: i DONT KNOW O.. I DONT KNOW.. ALL MY ENEMIES.. U NA NO GO PROPER.. AMIN AMEN.. AMEEEEEN!
@ ladybug: thnx a lot for taking time out to read my blog , ill come by yours soon,,
@ londonbuki: i KNOOOOOOOOOW!! I HAVE!! LOL..
@H2B: awwwwwwwwwww...:) :) :)...

bimbylads said...

@ calabargirl: i try not to make my blog too personal, so i guess i can still survive on what i do now.. we'll see.. my big brother is a REAL BIG BROTHER.. lol..

Anonymous said...

AWW.H2B=HUSBAND TO BE RIGHT?

i am soo jealous.
girl do your thing,and do not let the oponu called anonymous get you anyway.

your blog keeps me entertained in my very stressful job.and if you quit beign funny bimbylad..I WILL PERSONALLY HUNT YOU DOWN.PUT A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND ORDER YOU TO BLOG.

have you seen the movie MISERY?
its old,but i get psycho tendencies like that o miss bimbylad.

so abeg,continue doing your thing mami.

ANONYMOUS OLOSHI AINT GOT NOTHING ON YA.

Excessive Diva

bimbylads said...

@ excessivediva:LMAO!!!! where is ur blogg noow?? i miss you!! lol.@ the movie misery.. ok.. i wont go anywhere.. lol.. dont mind h2b o! he is not as sweet as that!

thanks babe.. luv u too! :)

Simply Gorgeous said...

I saw what you wrote on Law Damsel site. So I am Kolo. ! You have no idea what you are in store for.

Simply Gorgeous said...

THIS

Simply Gorgeous said...

MEANS

Simply Gorgeous said...

WAR!!!!

Moments said...

Hey tweetie :-)) thanks for your comment o! I did feel your hug and don't worry, I'm going to be posting something for your amusing interest pretty soon.

Meanwhile, better call and harrass those nonsence aol pple. In fact you should tell them you're not doing again sef, they'll quickly reduce your payment to £10/mth. I'm serious o! try calling them from home, I know its painful but just try and the curse them very well, pretend to be very angry and that you want the manager and you don't want their service again, you want to go to sky yada, yada, yada, Wo! they'll quickly respond to you ni.

bimbylads said...

@ simply... EHH EGBA MI O!! where will i pass and run!! simply posted 3 different comments..'this means war'.. ahn.. simply no fex.. no fex my sister. U no kolo.. u kolo in a sexy way.. simply kolo gawjuz sexy..

@ moments.. I will try it tonight when i get home,, i already drafted a letter to them.. i wrote the whole letter IN BLOCK CAPITALS.. HOPE THEY CAN SEE THE FIRE THROUGH THE LETTER.. AWON WERE OSHODI.. rubbish..

ill watch out for ur blog.. mwahx

Naija Vixen said...

this chick u go kill person with lafter oh!!!!chill and see what Mr J will do tomorrow...prob'ly put up a barricade...but i agree oh,this cold is a killer!!!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Was once an aol customer too, they have a lot of quikie habits, its just a shame their customer service habbits is one of their worst.

Simply Gorgeous said...

Ehem- Now that is better. Clap for yourself. You have earned my goat tongue soup.

vindication through innocence said...

Funny stuff...If my bro saw my blog, hed just laugh hard and post shit to me cos i should be writing my dissertation!!AOL is messed up!!

Jack Bloggs said...

Thank God for weBLOGS o! I relate with that your move in Mr Judiyas' shop. Kai - i dey guilty someimes. We go buy car in Jesus name. If to say car dey now - need no go dey to dey test press di bread anyhow for shop.

Advice - Since you pass there every morning, pally up with Mr Judiya, so every morning you will just enter and start gisting with him... "Good morning Mr Judiya, how are you today my friend (in a slight indian accent), its chilly this morning innit" - but abeg no shake your neck right and left as you dey follow am yarn o, hin fit take offence! lol

One love!

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

ive been trying to comment on this post since o!!!!!!! keeps deleting my comment,

anyway, i think i know Judiya is that the shop in front of B station? i used to have a flat at the odean.

anyway mr Judiyas face is COLD!!!! I remember the dude, not very friendly unless ur buying 3 for 10quid phone cards. maybe u should try the chicken and chip shop sha!!!

bimbylads said...

@ naijavixen: lol ! ive gone back there o! the man was standing in the middle of the shop GLARING at me.. e be like say Mr J don read my blog o!
@life of a stranger called me: na true talk u talk.. AOL,…they are MAD
@simply G: phew! Thank u ma.. wey my bowl..?
@ vindication: Im going to ur blog now.. lol.. tahnks for stopping by!
@jackbloggs: you found me! Finally… nice one.. lol. Thanks for stopping, im going to pally with Mr J – like that is possible
@ 36’’: thanks babe! Lolllllllllll!! That’s the SAME ONE!! Lol.. u lived in the Odeon… nice flats! That chicken and chip shop stinks meeen! Worst comes to worst… ill try it

2ndCorin5:17 said...

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE!!! YOUR BLOG!!! Omigosh!!! Please hurry and tie the knot b4 wicked people become extremely jealous...
God bless u joo

bimbylads said...

@ 2nd corinth: i love that name.. thanks o! God bless u too.. No weapon formed against us shall prosper o! AMIN!! lol.. thanks for stopping by

~CeeJay~ said...

OMG> U crack me up!!! u r like one of my favorite bloggers all of a sudden...thats really funny o. Mr J, and how u were pressing the bread.

ur info relating is simply hilarious.

new fan said...

na so the price of bread don go up na wah o i been live london when bread dey under 1 pkon

Idemili said...

I would probably 'quench' if anyone in my family discovered my blog. Ajaa!

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