......This is getting serious o, my internet wireless connection is still not working, its been 3 weeks since I last logged on to AOL. And I’m paying £14.99 every friggin month.. When I logged on to my pc last night, my neighbor who names his wireless ‘belkin54G’ has officially fully secured his wireless now.. I spotted a new connection called ‘top pipe’ last night. I was elated.. I tried to connect.. alas!.. ‘top pipe’ too secured his own wireless.. imagine, 7 strong connections, ALL SECURED!! Una no good!
Who did I offend noww? Why me? Why now? My enemies, una no go prosper!
I called AOL yesterday morning, I spoke to a man named Sanka who promised to ring me back. Sanka, I’m still waiting o? I can see that u don’t keep ur promises.. by the time I finish with AOL, they will change their name to BOL ( Bims On Line) - ok.. that was very dry.. ha ha..
Anyway. I’m writing a note to drop in all my neighbors houses. How can they be all so stingy? Why must they all secure their wireless? Ehn? Even if it is just to allow me tap wireless from 7-9pm only.. I no go vex..
On my way back from work, I shall ensure that each neighbor receives the note in which I will write
‘ share ur wireless… and it shall be shared unto u too…’…
Maybe that woman downstairs that glares at me every evening when I march upstairs in my very loud heels will be touched and allow me use her own connection.- But wait o! that her yeye her dog that cannot stop barking each time it sees me go surely block my moves..
The dog no like me.... walai! na either Rob or Agboniki I go put inside that dog eye next time I see it.. Very rude dog.. juz dey bark like say na hin mama own the building.. hiss.. and the thing be say, I be law abiding tax payer wey dey pay my rent every month on time.. how much does the dog pay? Na jus to dey chop baked beans 24/7…
If to say na fine dog sef.. hiss… The thing go dey harass persin.. nonsense…
meeen, the weather is cooolld.. kai.. I never see!!.. its freezing..
In fact, I almost put hot water bottle inside my jacket before I left the house this morning.. pata pata, oyinbo people on the train will think I’m pregnant and give me free seat.. Ochimo! I smart no be small o!! ...I will try it next week..
Last night, When I reached the station, I was waiting for my bus.. and as my bus is very irregular, I usually stroll into Judiaya Enterprises ( my corner shop) and pretend like I want to buy something, while warming off under the heater… usually, I buy something small like 50p.. chewing gum, chuppa chops, . anything I see sha.. .. but meen, last night, I no get jack for pocket… and the cold no easy, I be like fish for inside freezer.. all my ear don dey pepper me..my hand don gan! kai. ..
I kent do this no more!!.. na so I enter Judiya enterprises o.. omo.. forgit the heat! Meeeeeeeen.. Mr Judiya God bless u!.. e be like Dubai for hin shop.. very warm.. very cosy..
I come dey peruse the shop…. I had to buy time before my bus came nooow.. I picked a bottle of Coke.. I begin dey look all the ingredients.. ..Mr Judiya too dey look me.. I shook my head.. Put Coke down. Pick up Red bull.. begin dey look the drawing for the bottle.. Wey this yeye bus now?? Mr Judiya dey look.. dey monitor me.. I put Red bull down.. I pick bread.. I press the bread.. e soft? E go flow with cold bournvita? Noo.. E no soft reach.. I put am down….I pick am again.. press am again.. press the left.. press the right..
Mr Judiya looks at me, he is loosing his patience.. People do this to him every time its cold..he asks me. ‘ u buy?’…
I look at him , I’m thinking.. ‘ shiooo.. allow me o.. u no see say e cold outside? I answered him ‘ yes, im buying… im coming’..
Omo.. wey this yeye bus nowww? Kai.. I put my hand in my bag.. dey begin count all my 1p coins and coppers.. I count 15p… the bread na big mama bread, which means, na £1.20..
I hold the bread.. I look Mr Judiya.. Mr Judiya too dey look me.. Next thing.. I see my bus.. Number 62….OPE O!! I drop Mr. Judiya bread for counter and ja commot!!
Thank Goodness!! I caught the bus and smiled sweetly at MR Judiya as the bus sped off!! Ill see u tomorrow Mr Judiya.. cold willing! This time around, ill buy 2 Naijatel phone card, and dash Mr Judiya the change just to prove a point…!!
Meanhwile, ive been officially discovered by my own blood!! my big brother found my blog.. !! he dropped me an email over the weekend, let me share it with you:
u never told me u had a blog. just saw it. very funny. typical you!.thought u might include me in there somewhere! of course ur trials and tribulations with aol is well documented. good work. have bookmarked it. u should add naija videos etc to spice it up. i can show u how
lol! i love my big brother to bits! he may be coming to blogNville..and guys.. he is Hilarious with a capital H! lol.. hope he comes..
Before I sign out, I read some of the comments on my blog yesterday and I was not amused at what a certain ‘anonymous’ commenter wrote. I honestly cannot grapple the one-dimensional behavior that certain individuals exhibit while commenting on peoples blogs. Please I no wan vex o.. no dey come my blog dey insult me like that again o.. Next time, it won’t be easy! ….
thats it for the week.. please read my yesterdays post if you havent already!!