Share your Metro Jare.. hiss...

First of all, i think I’m going to start waking up at 4am, and jogging to the station just to get a copy of Metro.. ahn ahn.. That station near my house, im beginning to suspect them of using the metro newspapers to sell akara somewhere. or maybe they supply it to ‘ I wan buy paper , gallon, garawa, people...!

.. Because no matter what time u get to the station, U WILL NEVER FIND A METRO.. In fact, tomorrow, i will go to the station early and sit in the metro box. I will officially hand out metro to people i like.. hiss.

Meanwhile, OT is not in the office today. He is working from home.. somin about emergency.. e be like say the bobo don read my blogi o! becos he’s been acting weird lately.. Psalm 91, Psalm 23, Psalm 1, will not be far from my lips.. so as OT is not around, I can blogggooonn!!

So on my way to work today, as usual, no metro.. So, I entered the train and saw one man in the corner of the train, with a folded metro in his lap.. meen.. omo.... i pushed my way through everyone and squeezed into the seat near him.. NA ME AND U GO SHARE THIS METRO TODAY.. i had to know the latest on the Oscars noooow!

Mr Stingy Metro man first of all relaaaaaaaaxxxedd, then inhaled and exhaled before he slowly opened his metro.. Kai.. i adjusted my neck well well.. i had only 4 stops to get to Bank station where i worked, and i had to read this metro in 15 minutes.

Mr Stingy Metro used 5 minutes to open the paper.. Then he began to shake the paper.. he shook it like 5 times.. And I’m thinking.. ' abi eleyi ni warapa plus Parkinson’s ni?' why on earth are u shaking the paper like a maad man? hiss.... anyway, after shaking the paper off.. he now turned to the back page.. Kai! This man was annnoyyyinng me..

HOW ON EARTH CAN ANY NORMAL HUMAN BEING START READING PAPER FROM THE BACK? WHAT HAPPENED TO FOWARD EVER.. BACKWARD NEVER IN JESUS NAME?... chei... and he remain 2 stops before i go commot for train....after reading his nonsense sports for like 3 agonizing minutes.. he now sloowwwwwwlllyly turned to the front...finally..!

He opened the first page.. Then he noticed my neck straining through the paper to read with him.. he looked at me.. Pushed his glasses up his nose.. then moved closer to the next person...away from me.. then eyed me.. me too i eyed him .. WELL.. hisss.. NA UR MAMA GET THE METRO? U NO SEE FREE NEWSPAPER ON TOP THE PAGE? hissssss... awun oshi..

Na so me and the bobo dey do o.. me shift neck and shift yansh nearer him.. the bobo.. shift yansh and eye me.. lol... Onyiochi.. if not for the fact say i dey get off at the next stop.. i for READ that METRO well well today....

Anyway.. im feeling sooooooo sleepy at work today.. LOW.. u kept me awake all night.. lol.. love u to bits tho!...

so today o, i have started planning my wedding.. una go see pepper.. i mean real planning.. law damsel came to my house over the weekend and saw my tape rule and toaster and she just started to laff.. oya.. dry ur lafter girls and boys.. Miss bimby is on a roll....

ok.. i have a couple of questions.. that I must answer

Question 1:
1) must i dance to oruka!!! when I’m coming into the reception?- my hubby loveeeess that song.. but i can shoot Sonny Nneji now.. cos I’ve heard it like 400 times..
2) Chair covers or no chair covers?- pls seriously consider price in it o.. One frigging chair cover is 5 pounds.. kaka beee.. ill use bed sheet and tie the chairs.. ok.. I’m serious.. Forget price.. Chair covers or no chair covers?
3) What can one give out as wedding favors?
4) im not having bridesmaids.. BUT can I have someone who will hold my dress for me when im walking down the aisle.. Without her being a bridesmaid?....

To digress small, this weekend,... Law damsel and i went to Nandos for a nice uplifting dinner.. she had not eaten all day.. and i was scared for her welfare..

So that’s how we got to Nandos o.. and law damsel, being the sepe sepe figure 8 that she is.. she still attracted blokes with her swollen eyes.. as we sat in nandos waiting for our order.. one very very very yellow bobo- SCRATCH THAT.. .. orange bobo just came and sat next to her..

He looked at her closely and said.. Why are u sad? u look sad.. And she was like.. no I’m not sad.. Then he asked her for her name.. And started to try and toast her small small.. so me i glared at him, and eyed him up and down.. he now asked lawdamsel ' why is ur friend eying me like that?'.. law damsel was too tired to answer so me ( trust me noow)...i jumped in..

' i did not eye u.. My eyes naturally roll up and down’. Yes o.. And my mummy and the queen are twins……….

Anyway, law damsel excused us and went to sit down for the meal.. He smiled at me and said.. 'hmm.. ur friend.. u know....( shy laughter) I want to come and sit with her..!

i said.. 'nooo o.. dont come.. We are not friends o.. we are long lost sisters.. We just found each other ( I almost added on e-bay),We lost touch 10 yrs ago and we have only just met.. we need to catch up..'

Foolish orange boy.. he sha went to sit down in one corner.. but he got up like 40 times to come and collect ketch up ( the ketch up place was near our table).. GO LAWDAMSEL.. U SEE.. !! UR A CHICK ANYDAY.. EVEN IF ITS ORANGE BLOKES.. lol..

okay. .. ive paid my dues on blogger today..



LondonBuki said...


londonnaijachic said...

am i first?

LondonBuki said...

Stop keeping me in suspense my friend! Am I first???

Anyway, that Oruka song!!! Haba! It is now a Wedding Anthem... BimbyLads, let me compose a song, just for you... I know I can't sing, I know I can only play the recorder, and I'm only up to Grade 1 on the piano... but I will hook u up real good!

Metro... I never used to see it at my station (I used to wonder if my station was not good enough), until I started going underground at 6.30am while on the client site, now it's there in abundance. I have seen some people take like FIVE metros!!! Are they going to sell them? *HISS*

As for 'shia' cover, why now? Why don't you just get really nice chairs...? Sorry I saw the £5 and I can't see past that.

Don't miss OT too much.

londonnaijachic said...

You had me in stitches with you and the metro man.First and foremost most people feel uncomfortable when people are glancig over their shoulders.Why aren't u having no bridesmaids?And u don't really need chair covers but they do add that extra vavavoom.

bimbylads said...

@LB: you r firsttt o!! clap for londobBuki.. pa pa papapa paaaaaa!
oya my swerrat,.. compose me a song o..
dont mind them,, hiss.. i might just write to Metro too..lol
i may just fashi the shia cover jare.. ko necessary!

@LNC: is it not FREE newspaper? oya now.. let the man carry his metro to jamaica.. hiss..lol.. i know what u mean tho, but i was just desperate for a read...
no bridesmaids cos i will have to have liike 30.. too many friends.. plus.. its just looong.. lol..

law_damsel said...

lollllllllll, ur certainly krazee..i wasnt sure i was involved in dis whole episode u mentioned at nandos by d way u xplained it..woh ive bounced back jo im ready 2 talk bout wat jjc did..lollll,

low said...

Boo...u know how i like to do it all night!!!!..loll ok that didnt sound right at ALL....had a blast with u!!

Oruka.. oh i thot pple had upgraded with Olo mi. Well to satisfy urself maybe u can compromise and dance in with that and then ur first dance you choose a song u both like!
By the way i cant stress how UNSERIOUS u r..loll i will keep HOUNDING u ...iwo ma worry!

I feel u on that newspaper sha business..loll funny but i can imagine me being that type of person. It irks me when pple try and read with me...lol im like..DUDEE!!!! COULD U NOT!

Simply Gorgeous said...

@LB- I see you have started. You have taken my small absence an run with it. OK I will congratulate you.

Ms. Bimby- You have finally gotten around to planning your wedding. COngrats.

You cannot put cheap chairs at your wedding, you will be the laughing stock. Please and you do not want to kill your mother. So please put chair covers.

I think it would be better to have a bridesmaid hold your dress.

I forgot the rest I get alzheimer's small, small.

Please excuse me. Maybe it is my twins that are affecting me.

bhookey84 said...


lol @ the metro guy

and no u dont have to do oruka jo, theres olo mi now, i love that song, pls dance to that one okay

Dimples said...

LOL...Abimbola jo ma kpa me o...
That Metro story was way to much 4 me...i've told u..they will brush u one day on the streets of London.

1.I love Oruka..yeah man totally dance to it...u can even add Olo Mi somewhere there...men i feel ur boo jare...Sunny Nneji did one bad ass remix of Oruka 4 Dare Art Alade's wedding..men he bought me right there.
2.Chair covers YES!!!...but not too long...those things always get caught on heels..as in I've almost lost my front teeth before.
3.Men Google l'omo men..there are all sorts on there.
4.Good luck oh on the not having bridesmaid..hmm!!! touchy topic let's just carry on.

LOL..on law damsel and the orange man from the Miranda advert.

LOW ma mi!!! pls let our iyawo sleep oh...she has a wedding to plan...lol

bimbylads said...

@ lawdamsel: one more word from ya, and ill call Orange man!
@low: meet me tonight.. under the bridge.. lol...ok ma.. ill be serious.. im trying nooowww!
@SG: lol.. noo o.. the chairs are not cheap, they are actually nice, i just wanted the effect of chair covers.. lol.. thanks for the advice..
@bhookey: thankx love... isnt olomi a tad too slooow? can we fasten the song?
@ dimples:.. hmm.. im loving that idea.. olomi and oruka.. nice 1.. thanks.. luv u!

bhookey84 said...

update? or u r busy planning ur weddin which is a good thing

confusednaijagirl said...

kai i am late oh!! i should have read this yesterday. WHo is the clown now? me or you?? THat newspaper is not your one , keep your korokoro eyes away.

Simply Gorgeous said...

When are you going to post a new post Bimby ? Leave OT alone and hurry up. Call me when you post I am tired of being last.

LondonBuki said...

So SG, you have resorted to CHEATING!!!

BimbyLads, how far now?

confusednaijagirl said...

iwo!! when are you going to update!

Simply Gorgeous said...

um...um... London Buki- you have started I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to that one Bimbylads- Bimblads you see LB has started. I am here watching America's Next Top Model season 8- Leave OT alone come and post, bighead.

bimbylads said...

....wa wa wa wa... come here bhookey, SimplyG and London buki.. yes and u too confused.. u people told me to go and plan my wedding.. now i am seriosuly planning my wedding, una dey complain.. okay, na lie.. im tucked up with OT @ the Ritz ... tufi!!...
OK.. ill update later today or tommorow.. ive typed it up.. na just to post am..

Nice to know that I am missed...:)... how r ya'll..

LondonBuki said...

You have typed it up??? So why are you waiting until later today?

BimbyLads, don't post it later because you are waiting for thet SG babe to wake up so she can be first!!!

Post it now... I am sure OT is in the shower now, so quickly post it before you go and join him for a steamy session ;-)

Moments said...

My darling....


I know you're not around in blogville at the moment but I couldn't start the month without leaving you a comment/prayer.

I pray that this month will bring much laughter to your mouth and joy unspeakable to your heart.

Be Blessed!!

bimbylads said...

@ moments: awww.. moments o.. may u have plenty happy moments this year in Jesus name.... God bless u..

Daddy's Girl said...

BimbyLads you're a hoot! Love your description of the man reading his paper... and Metro can be scarce true true sha. When I was in London I used to wonder whether people slept beside those Metro thingies. Good luck with all the wedding planning. Someone I know recently used Paul Play's 'Angel of my Life' to dance in, and it wasn't bad at all.

Calabar Gal said...

Binmbylads, I was in stitches the whole post. You will not kill me I swear!!! Men always seem to read only the back pages of papers. i know my own man never looks past the sports pages.

bimbylads said...

@ daddys girl: thanks babe.. but my friend danced to angel and meen.. was it sloowwwwwww.. i almost fell asleep while dancing..
@ calabar gal: i dont get the backward reading thingy! wats it with sports sef?? hisses

AbujaBabe said...

Loving your blogg .. i could not stop laughing you got jokes!!!

Congrats on you getting married ... i am also getting married this year... aint it just a joy!!...

I am having so much fun planning my wedding.. I Insist you get chair cover i know where u can get them between £2.50-£3.50
Chair covers just make a room look fabby.

I have never been to a Naija wedding before so i never really understood dancing at the church or entering the hall... but i have seen loads of Naija weddings on tv and things and i guess it's just the norm.. So i have accepted it besides my Sister inlaws to be have said it's a must

I love Oruka but have you thought of Olo Mi By Tosin Martins?...

I'm sure you got everything down for your wedding but i know where to get loads of affordable wedding supplies... just Holla!!..

Ciao Hun..xxx

Idemili said...

Hahahahahahah! LOL @ 'on ebay'

You sef!