17.1.08

Good hair day.

I have announced to my husband, and now to you, the world, that I am cutting my hair. Yes, I am going to cut it very very short and leave it like that. I don’t care weda the tin go fit me or not, or weda I look like a boy. I am highly irritated and tired with the stress of trying to make ur hair look good in this country. I took out my braids 4 days ago, and the undergrowth on my head be like forest. Infact the tin hard so tey , I no fit comb am, so I just find one yeye wig put on top am to manage until I am able to find the time to re-touch the roots.
The woman that does my hair is from Gambia or Kenya, lets call her Kenya Gambia. Each time I go to her to do my hair, she always has like some 3 people waiting in the queue, no matter what time I get there. She is very good, and although she takes her time to finish each customers hair, she manages to be quite fast and agile.
But what amazes me most is that, whenever I get there, and I’m like.. ‘ah, when can I do my hair o, this one that you have 4 people waiting?’ her response is always, * a quick glance at the clock, a quick look at the queue of women with all sorts of head, and then back at me with a smile and two words, ‘ taty minis’ ( 30 mins). So yesterday, after an unbelievably tiring day @ work, made worse by the horrific wig I wore on my head. As in that wig ehn, its like brick. I literally have to hang my head down to be able to bear the weight of the thing. And I cant laugh well, for fear say the wig go jus fly commot inside meeting room, so if person crack joke, na to jus show my 16 or so front teeth without actually laughing. I no fit nod or shake my head properly because na balance I ro ra balance the wig on my head with care and attention, so If I am asked a question that requires me to nod as well as answer, I would rather blink twice in response. Na u sabi if u no understand blinkology. Bottom line is….. …it’s not a nice feeling.. So I decided yesterday that after work, Id rush off to get my hair done and be back home within 1 hr. On my way to Kenya Gambia, I prayed fervently that all existing customers will vamoose or suddenly want to poo. And that na only bimbylads hair she go do. Alas, I was to be disappointed when I got there and she had someone waiting. For good measure, I asked her how long it would take, and she, performed her ritual of glancing around before pronouncing ‘ tarrty minis’. So I vexed and left her saloon, hoping that I would at least find another saloon on the same road.
Weda na luck we go call am, I sha found another salon that was completely empty. No single customer. Just one woman reading a book on ‘achieving success’ and another lady with a big curly afro. So I peeped in and asked if I could get my hair done. The Afro one ( whom I rightly assumed was the hairdresser), flew from her chair and grabbed me before I could even finish talking.. ( I don calculate say e be like say na me be first customer since last week!).
oya siddown siddown’ she says, as the other lady, who by now had dropped her book, wore a nylon jacket for me.
which relaza?’ Afro asks, while massaging my static hair.
Elasta QP- do you have it?’ I responded, slightly confused at everything.
‘ no we don’t, but we will buy it for you now now..’ I don’t think I had time to reply for she had dashed out of the shop, in search for my relaxer. She comes back in 15 minutes and I am upset that it’s not the whole kit, but I shrug it off and allow her to begin the process.
She applies the first blob of relaxer to the lower half of my head, and it feels like my head is on fire. I try to hide my pain, while I grab the relaxer container to begin to read the contents. E be like say na Omo this woman dey pour on my head o,.,, egba mi,,. Who send me?
is paining?’ Afro lady asks, through eye contact in the mirror.
‘Just small’ I replied, trying to chest the pain.. I mean she still had half of my head to go.

20 or so minutes later, Afro lady is still working her way slowly through my head, and I am screaming internally. Why is she soo frigging slow??? Did I tell her that I was competing for ‘ longest relaxer on head competition?
you wee trim dis hair o.. tangles everywhere.. see.. see’ she noted, and I nodded. Trim, bulldoze,chop, do anything but what you are doing now.
10 or more minutes later, she finishes applying the relaxer and pats my head lovingly, while admiring her handiwork. By now, I am convinced that this is her job interview. I am a test, a research piece.

She tries to make small talk, but I just dey squeeze my face in pain. She says I should wait 20 minutes, and I almost curse. You applied the relaxer for almost 40 minutes and u now want me to wait another 20 minutes? Not me and you. I could see smoke pouring from my hair, so I ask her to please wash it. When she begins to wash my hair ehn, I almost wept. She washed, and washed, and washed… infact, I almost said, ‘ wait, make I off my cloth so you go baff me’.

She finishes washing and then conditions my hair. She then says.. ‘ 5 minis, let it condition well well’…
All this time I am thinking, shoo,If I had jejely waited at Kenya Gambia, by now she would have done my hair finish o. Anyway, while I am conditioning my hair, I can’t help but notice as she rushes out side to hand out flyers of their salon.

skissss me..… skisssssss.. we do hair..’ she says, thrusting the flyers into the passengers hands. My hair don over condition by this time and I am beginning to fume. She comes back and starts to comb my hair, which believe it or not, HAS TANGLED!!lol..

‘I don no weda is the comb or is your hair, but it tangle o, you will trim? she asks again, and I’m like.. JUST FINISH MY HAIR AND LET ME GO HOME!! So she drags me to the chair, and my soaked office shirt clings to my body, making me shiver.
Then she says ‘ trim is five pounds estra o, is okay?’ WHAAATT!! No eees NOT OK!! You didn’t tell me this wen u grab me from the road o!! I couldn’t say no so I said, rather grumpily, fine. So she trims my hair for like 1 hr. By now, I am beyond reasonable. I am shaking in my char, trying to curtail my anger. Must she measure the exact length and dimension of each strand of hair??? The book reading lady says good night. And afro lady nods, seriously concentrating on my head. After trimming, she then starts to apply the rollers. My hubby calls at this time and laughs his head off at the fact that I am not done with my hair. Roller application would have lasted another hour, but I snapped!. When I saw that she would rolllllllllllllllllllllll the hair, then rollllllllllll the roller around the hair, gingerly and carefully, I knew I had to react. SO I said, ‘PLEASE, I DON’T HAVE TIME AGAIN, I HAVE TO GO’. To which she smiles and says, ‘soon’. To cut a really long story slightly shorter. I left the saloon with a half dried hair. I couldn’t stand it anymore. However, Afro lady, if u are reading this, kudos to u on ur excellent customer service, you are committed to ur work, but remember always that we are Londoners, and TIME IS MONEY!!!. And for this and other reasons, I hope I have been able to convince and not confuse you that bimbylads is justified in cutting her hair.

Bbs is coming soon, just needed to share this...

35 comments:

J-Boogie said...

Yippie, I am first. Even though it wasn't what i cam here first, but w=oh well. YIPPIEE!!!!!

J-Boogie said...

Na rush rush make me tabon oh....
what i was trying to say was, even though the post was not what I cam for, I am still first..... YIPIIEEEE. and apparently I am second as well

J-Boogie said...

and third....

J- Boogie said...

I can keep going oh

J-Boogie said...

let me stop, before people come finish me.

Nwanyi Ocha said...

Che! Bimmmbyyyy, i feel your pain, dohhhh ohhhh ndo. Its funny sha, who sent you lolololol...... leave the hair, abeg.

Abimars said...

lol, couldn't stop laughing especially because my hair is also due for a touch up, I'm currently wearing a wig as well and seriously considering cutting my hair!

Flowers and Poetry said...

LOL!! This was really funny, I couldn't stop laughing. Hair drama! don't we all have 'em. I decided 15 months ago that I wasn't going to braid my hair or fix weave-on ever again. Living in the UK with your God-given hair has been one challenge after the other, numerous DIY's with all the drama and multiple temptations to just chop it all off!

Rayo said...

LMAO!!! Too funny!!!

Although I feel your pain, don't cut your hair oo there's some hope down the road..what am I saying?

As long as there are still people with hair, hairdressers will always overbook no matter what.

bumight said...

lol!!!
you definitely should have stayed with kenya gambia. you don't need to cut ur hair o (except hubby likes it that way, then who are we to tell u not to).
btw who is j-boogie sef?

engee said...

yeeeee!!!!! lollllll dis babe no go kill person o!!!!

my dear i feel ur pain jare. i had SHORT hair for bout four years wen one FAKE dark'n'lovely i bought chopped off my front hair.,,,,na so i enter dredlocks.....d convinience no be small tin my dear.

if u think short hair will give u peace, so be it. but try making it baby curls.....cut every 2 wks, use a relaxer (u can do that urself dearie) then apply a curl activator....and u're good to go

the beauty of it is u can wash everyday if u want.

or u can fix a certain kind of dredlock hair extension in vogue now (in naija sha dunno bout der) and carry for MONTHS!!!! if u get someone to fix it well. dats wat i have now on my natural dreds. have had it for ten weeks and not thinkin of taking it off anytime soon. easy to maintain and i wash evrey wk.

good luck my dia

darkelcee said...

this is the "rass"side of bimby i have missed.

please cut your hair o

i am in full support. i am thinking of doing the same too.

I tell you that Naija is worse!

Ladies be weary of Salon that does not have any customer in them.....THEY DONT BLOODY KNOW HOW TO DO JERK!

ababoypart2 said...

lol..

quite a lot of advantages if u decide to go short.

Beyond said...

Happy New YEAR.
Pele bimby, feel your pain but will advise that you keep your hair but if the wahala is becoming too much, just go ahead and cut it. i did cut mine in december and am really happy i did.

Unbiased said...

Bimbola!!! Dont you dare!!! One bad hair day and you want low cut? Ko ni fit e!! Jo!1 Biko!! Abeg!! leave the hair alone.

Uzo said...

LOL

Fantastic story telling skills...

LOL

Sorry oh...but she just wanted to give you the best....LOL

Shubby doo said...

hahaha...bimbylads me 2 i don make that mistake. new years eve about 5 years ago...i wake up early, run go salon (they no dey do appointment) so i know say all the jamo peeps go don reach there if I no get out of bed quick quick. eagerness make me reach there @ 8:15am. 4 people dey 4 Q outside to enter salon wey go open @ 9am. i no vex, i just stand there in the freezing British winter & pull my coat around my body...thinking of how fine I will look that night. 9am come & past. 10 o’clock come & past

Can you believe that my salon no open that day! And they no put sign tell us. I no understand bcos they like money past anything!

So @ 10:30am i ponder in the freezing cold...wetin I go do…I dey go party with my then boyfriend so I must look chassis. so walk up the street looking like misfit. I rejoice and do small dance of joy wen i see another black salon…but e dey empty...always a bad sign on new years eve! Sha beggers can’t be choosers so I enter. Just to relax and set my hair.

To cut my story short they left relaxer in my hair and started to blow dry. I stopped them when I realised I was still burning… kai!. They couldn’t style the hair well so I said I’d do it at home and went basic.

The thing that pained me more was my hair was stiffer when I left then when I entered…such much for dark and lovely. Had no choice but to wear a hat out that night!

Now I stick with my salon no matter what! Thirry minutes... Kenya Gambia dey say 2 u...I fit wait for 90 minutes...lol

Happy new year!

Zena said...

lmao,

shebi next time you'll wait whether she sys thaty minutes or 40, sha reconsider before you cut your hair ooh!

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE BONKERS!!!
LOL!!!

Simi Speaks said...

LMAO. Too funny.. But I must say, you are extremely brave! No one touches my hair except for H. She’s out of town. I wait. She’s out sick. No prob, I’ll wait.. 

I feel you on cutting tho. Am going thru same motions as well. I asked my hubby if he's ok with it. He asked how long it will take to grow back. I said maybe 4 yrs (hair is currently down to mid-back) He replies "You are banned from anything that resembles cutting.."

lol..

What is it with men and long hair???

Bella Naija said...

Bimbylads!
Happy New Year darlin...
LOL....sorry about the hair.
Take care and please update Shade & Co soon

Supergirl said...

lol. Are you serious? i woulda cried outta anger mehn. That must have been frustrating. If i cut my hair, ill look like a ball so i guess that can never be an option for me o. Thank God say for Naija, hair is easy to maintain.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

hahaha, the black womans curse is the time it takes to figure out our hair when it is processed.

This was funny to read. take care!

Anonymous said...

Eeeeya, pele o Bimby. Happy New Year and I look forward to an update about Eniola and Co. I feel your pain. I once went through a rebellious stage and cut my hair really low and scurled it myself until hubby went and yarried for the barber as we shared the same barber at the time. So the next time I went to cut my hair the man refused to cut the ting saying he did not want to touch my hair for fear of incurring my hubby's wrath!!!! I then went back to straight perm and then curly perm until the hair was damaged!!!! I finally decided I had enough of chemical hair and decided to go natural. I have one hair dresser that visits my home every two months to twist my hair with the locks and hubby is cool about it as when we met when I was 19 I had natural hair until I turned 21!!!!! Now that I am 37, I have gone back to my roots and hubby is beaming and at peace!!!! It is well and I suggest you stick to Kenya Gambia for peace of mind.

bhookey said...

hahahahaha eh yah pele and when i went bald, people thot i was mad, do it jare hehheheehe im sure it'll fit u , lmao at tarty

Anonymous said...

Bimby pele o.sha think twice be4 cuttin cos i believe low hair is more xpensive to maintain,but do wat makes u happy.takia n update soon.it is well

Tinuke said...

LMAO!!! I doubt that there are any ladies out there that didn't feel your pain. lol

A tip for tangled or tough hair: Loreal kids tangle free no more tears shampoo. It works a treat, even on "just out of braids" hair.

But abeg no chop your hair unless you sure say e go fine oh!

curvyice said...

lol at convincing and not confusing us that you are gonna cut your hair. well sha, what diid hubby say? na him and you get say me i no follow...lol

and Btw, your tatty mins and afro lady.....hillarious two.

yankeenaijachick said...

This is so hilarious..........was in a similar situation this weekend. my hair don tire me too. God help us. Ur hairdresser na one funny woman. Reminds me of mine too, the day she made three ladies hair same time. Hava, na fight. later.

YankeeNaija said...

lmao@tarrty minis. lol. lol. You're a hot mess. Kai. I couldn't stop laughing. lol.

Queen of My Castle said...

LMAO @ you and your very heavy wig. Sounds like some script for a comedy skit like Saturday Night Live.

I know how you feel about not liking to wait to see the hair dresser, which is why I have opted to chop mine off and sport the Rihanna/Victoria Beckam bob because I can fix it myself in between visits to the salon.

bimbylads said...

BBS will be up today...

thanks for ur patience and advice on hair!! lollllllll

eFJay said...

Cutting ur hair is probably a good idea, since i cut mine 2yrs ago i hvnt regreted it once, i love short hair...
About the wig, u shld try the instant weave range, its a wig but it looks n fits exactly like a weave, u can jump, laff, play without hvin 2 worry abt it fallin off and the best part is u can take it off whnever u like, no commitments, like braids or real weaves...lol

pamelastitch said...

Hahahahahahahaa...

Thank God, I have carried my hair natural for more than 7 years..I intend to keep it that way. By the way, I cut my hair really short and I am having the funnest time ever. I just wake up, put water through it, it curls up and I get ready and shoot out.

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