13.2.07

OXFORD STREET, BLOOD DIAMOND!

My fellow fellow blogarians,

how i have missed you! I did not not touch my blog for days, infact, i just posted my friday blog now.. i cant wait to tell una about my weekend.

On saturday morning, i decided to go to oxford street to shop small.. my plan was to just touch one or two shops, but to buy plenty things in those 2 shops.. pata pata, spend 2 hours max, and come back home... so i made a huge mistake, i wore high heels-- hold that thought...! im coming back to that one!

But before i reached oxford street, I stopped over at Mile End to do a quick piss in a near by Mac Donalds,anyone that knows me personally knows that i cant hold my piss.. if i gas to piss, i gas to piss.. lol

After the piss, i walked back to thE station to continue my journey to Oxford street..then.. like magic.. i saw a man holding up a post that read ' teeth whitening under one hr- straight down and turn left, 5 MINS WALK ONLY'.. ah.. this day was getting better and better...so i started the journey to find the teeth whitening shop.. i waka for like 45 mins... wey the yeye shop now? abi that man wey dey hold the sign board na illusion? meen, the heels were starting to pain my toes like maad! e be like say i go forget this teeth somethin and go begin shop o.. i nefa even begin and all my body dey ache..
suddenly, i saw it.. at last! i saw the teeth whitner shop.. see thier isi ewu shop sef.. the thin wooo woo... (pronounced waaar waar)lol!

i sha pushed the door and entered.. i made a mental note of telling the receptionist to make sure that they oil thier door joints.. Mike Tyson sef go complain if he try push that door.. OK, BIMBY, shut up and enter the shop.. so i walked into the reception.. i saw a ghana woven head bent down over a desktop.. the estimated age of that hair must be 3 years old.. what rubbish! this woman made me want to hide my lovely ghana weave in a hat... i heard chewing gum noises.. she didnt even look up at me.. She must be nigerian like me.. full of ako.. lol..!

so i decided to speak first.. assuming my full blown english fune.. the conversation began:
BL: hi, im here to enquire about teeth whitening...
3 yr old Ghana Weave ( 3YR OLD GW): ehen.. yes.. ( she grudgingly closes her magazine and looks up at me)
BL: yes,.. ( i smile at her..) can you please tell me more about it?

3 YR OLD GW: ( in the thickest razzest fune i have ever ever ever heard).. did u not see the hinformation hon the whindow? ( she was actually speaking fune and singing the words out at the same time)

BL: ( thinking- duh! if i saw it nko? i no fit axe question? shiooo...)
yes i did, but i need more information, like how much..??


Then she did something she should NOT BE ALLOWED TO EVER DO AGAIN.. she smiled!.. SHE SMILED!.. SHE SMILED! when she smiled, i fell backwards,, i mean, literally fell back wards... her teeth.. e be like rake.. the thin no yellow o, the teeth white no be small, but meen, the teeth scatter.. all i could see was.. teeth.. space, teeth.. space.. i counted them mentally, she had about 6 teeth, 2 incisors and possibly 4 molars.. ewooo!! this na the shop wey wan whiten my teeth? maybe na the bleach wey dem pour cause this woman teeth to fall out so? omo, i gas to ja commot for this shop..
anyway, she answered me..

'to whithen your teeth, his hexactly one hour, but hit will cost you happroximately £250, you haf to haxe the dentist.. he will be hia shortly...

BL: £250 !! thats a bit expensive, considering the fact that its not laser treatment i will be recieving.. can i pay installmentally? ( i know that was a dumb question, but i had to get out of there..FAST!)

she looked at me and eyed me uup and down, sloowly but very really..

'you nigerians, why cant u do someting and do it well? you wnat to whiteh your teeth but u want to pay small small.. okay now, pay small small, and we will whithen your teeth instalmentally- she laughed at her own joke.. i almost held out my hand to defend my face from receiving her smiling arrows..

i thanked her hurriedly and departed to begin the 45 mins walk back to the station..


by the time i got to oxford street, i was figging tired.. i decided to go to Dune alone, and get shoes... the two Dune shops on oxford street were dry, so i decided to go to convent garden.. now.. how will i get to convent garden? i saw a man on the road.. he looked really approachful, so i asked him for directions... he gave them to me:

'convent garzen, go straiz, zen height, height again, zen, zurn lefz, hieght, zen lefz- convent garzen iz zere ....underzand?

Shioo? underzand.. of course i underzand.. no wonder immigration is the number one problem of UK. kai! wetin e talk? i laughed to my self and decided to try and walk it.. biggest mistake number 4..

i walked.. and walked.. and walked.. in circles, in squares, in triangles.. meen.. and i did not want to ask anyone after my Z man escapade...

after almost 1 hr of galavanting the west end...mind you, by now, my thighs, toes, whole body was in agonizing pain of the high heels i wore..
i finally found DUNE.. and guess what? it was as dry as the first two Dunes... feeling the tears well up at the corner of my eyes, i silently renewed my vow not to come to oxford street again in heels, or without heels.. oxford street is banned from my shopping list from now HENXFORTH!

When i got back home, chineze eyes called me, and i narrated my day to him.. he just kept on laughing and saying that i have a very funny way of narrating things.. he promised to take me to see Blood diamond later in the evening as a consolation for my shitty day... i told him that he would have to physically carry me because my body was banging...

He came by later in the evening to take me to the cinema.. my baby.. he is soo cute.. i fall in love with him each time i see him.. and yes.. he has chineze eyes-- very strange though.. as people sometimes approach him to ask him where he is from! omo! na ijinle naija to the core o... dont be decieved by the slanting eyeballs..

We saw blood diamond.. and after the film i was convicted. (BTW this was around midnight) i asked Chineze eyez to take me to the shop where he got my engagement ring.. why? he asked.. i said because i want to be sure its not blood diamond...

he looked at me very intensely and full of concern.. 'Bimbs, i wonder why i decided to go to the library that fateful day 5 years ago ( thats the day we met)..' you never cease to amaze me with your talk!'

i told him that i wasnt joking, and that i needed to be sure that i wasnt wearing somebodys hand on my finger...

he said he would take me to the shop and drop me there.. he suggested i sleep in front of the shop. he promised to come check on me first thing in the morning. he said he will always love me for my braveness... yeye boy.. lol!

anyway... i didnt go to the shop that night, but I will... i must be sure that i am not wearing blood diamond...


Temini tie ni too to,
Bimby lads

16 comments:

Simply Gorgeous said...

Yeah, I am #1. This is so funny. I have been waiting patiently for your o.t. jist. But I was pleasantly surprised. I laughed and laughed I am still laughing while trying to remember certain details. I agree with you it is generally not a good idea to go to a dentist offcie where the staff's own is worse than yours. After your escapade it seems like you need a Podiatrist more than you need a dentist. I hope your feet feel better!

londonnaijachic said...

lol! i don think i would have had that kind of patience with the scatter teeth receptionist.Shopping in high heels is a big mistake pls dont do it again.awwwwwwwwh, you are engaged how lovely!

temmy tayo said...

Now i wont know if i am first or not. Girl u made me laugh with this post.

O ye ko ti sa lo when u saw the rake of dentition in front of you now.

Maybe na the same Tolu wedding we dey go o. Na for East London sha.

bimbylads said...

Temmy tayo im soo excited.. its the same one.. barking abi??!! wow.. we have to hook up there o! r u buying aso ebi! lol.. see me dancing in my seat! thanks for stopping by!

bimbylads said...

@ simplyG: i just swallowed 2 paracetamol for the pain..thanks love.. but i wont give up on the teeth.. podi wetin?

@LNC: ...yesss im engaged.... im blushing rapidly.. lol! thanks!

LondonBuki said...

LOL!!! You are too funny!

Your man is hilarious too!

NaijaBloke said...

Nice Blog ..will be back ..

LOL@at the guy giving u directions .

law_damsel said...

ur not serious.uve come again....

Favoured Girl said...

Aaah, never NEVER go shopping in uncomfortable shoes, I've learnt that lesson! They may look nice when you step out but after 30 minutes, you start wishing you hadn't.
LOL @ the receptionist at the dentist, I've had it with rude receptionists, they are a waste of time. Your fiance sounds like a sweetie..., so when is the wedding girl?

Vox said...

lol@ the Z-man, every boy wan go jand

no worri your self your diamond na south african diamond

temmy tayo said...

We wil see then and I am buying Aso Ebi jare.I no get choice now, she be my gal anytime.

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Serves u right. Shio!!! After making me laugh like a craze pesin here. Abeg, go and whiten ur teeth nau? For real, ur blog is hilarious. U'll be one of the regulars now. Congrats on ur engagement.

bimbylads said...

@ chrub: taink u jare.. :) ..SMILE!! lol.. make i no smile? abeg allow me o..
@ favoured girl: wedding is meant for this summer by Gods grace.. ull be invited..
@ vox: abi naaa! na so we see am o..

Dimples said...

Bimbo u are too razz men...as in u have even taken the crown from me....
I bet that Ghanaian woman was FAT and black...as in i'mj seriously visualising the woman.

Blood Diamond nko...u better be enjoying the ring...na 4 life o.

bimbylads said...

@ dimples.: omo.. we go fite wear that crown o.. meanwhile..OP called me from naija.. said he met u.. KI LON POP??
the woman was fat and black.. lol..

Calabar Gal said...

I cant help but laugh!! Paying instalmentally for teeth whitening. The silly things we say to get out of uncomfortable situations!!! That dentist know the 911. That his receptionist should have sparking teeth to encourage potential customers.

You went shopping in heels. On Oxford Street of all places. You are not a serious human being. It is impossible for a girl to enter only one or two shops. Except of course you went shopping with a man who abhors shopping and so will endeavour to drag you back home after stepping into the third shop.

Alright, I'm not such a hard bitch. Ur feet must have been killing you pele. But next time yougo shopping, either be prepared to but comfortable shoes while shopping and change into them, or you wear comfy footwear when stepping out of ur home!!